


Oops, you think I'm in love. That I'm sent from above. (I'm not that innocent).

by thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AU where Neil works for the Moriyamas, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Demisexuality, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Horniness, I think my end notes are p. funny, M/M, Murder, Neil is horny in this one, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics, Tenderness, i really dk what else to say about it, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-01-15 07:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18494215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes/pseuds/thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes
Summary: "I'm not a math problem." Neil looked Andrew up and down. He was cute when he wasn't smiling like a maniac."I'll still solve you." Andrew replied, voice deep and husky.Neil cocked his head, a slow smile snaked it's way across his face. "Not gonna lie, that's kind of hot."-------------AU where Neil's past went more than a little differently.





	1. I think I did it again

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so either this fic or my other fic Graveyard Shift, are going to be the fic I work on after I finish Learning To Feel, so feel free to leave a comment on Learning To Feel to vote on either. I'll finish both eventually, it's just a matter of what people want to see finished first

Neil smiled as his teammates clapped him on the back. Along the locker room, cries of “we'll get them next time” and “next year…” echoed off the walls. They'd lost the final game of the season. Neil couldn't say he wasn’t disappointed, but the team was far from great, and no one had really expected to win.

Still, it was probably the last game of exy Neil would ever play. He was off to the next place Saturday morning. He’d get his diploma from the office in homeroom tomorrow, and then hitchhike to the next state over. Maybe pick up an odd job or two there, save some money up on top of what he already had for the payment to the Moriyamas.

Still he couldn’t let anyone know that. He fist-bumped, he laughed at jokes, he made a few of his own, ran his hand through the shiny dark hair he had been careful to dye well. He played the part of “normal teen” till he almost believed that that’s who he was.

“Neil, are you coming for pizza?” Asked Aidan, a well-meaning freshman.

Neil was about to agree. A full, hot meal on Coach Hernandez's checkbook was preferable to scrounging up whatever he could for a granola bar.

“Hold up, Aidan, I have to talk to Neil.” Coach Hernandez. Neil froze.

Aidan looked at Neil questioningly. Neil shrugged and Aidan accepted it with no suspicion. The rest of the team cleared out until it was only Neil, Hernandez, and the silence between them.

“What is this?” Neil asked.

“Neil, did your parents come to the game?”

Neil's answer had been rehearsed to perfection. “They're out of town.”

“Still or again?” Hernandez shot back. Neil frowned. He thought he had played the ‘my parents don’t really care about me’ angle well enough that Hernandez shouldn't have been asking. He said nothing. “Doesn't matter, you're not a minor, you make your own decisions.”

“Coach what is this about.” It wasn't a question so much as it was an order.  _ Tell me what's going on _ .

“You have some visitors.”

And with that, someone entered the locker room. No, two people. One was entering at his back, he was surrounded. There was no way out. Nowhere to run.  _ Shit shit shit shit shit _ . He pretended not to see the person approaching behind him and instead surveyed the figure in front of him. Surprisingly, Neil recognized him.

Coach Wymack of Palmetto state. The man, the myth, the poor, poor, sap. The man only recruited sob stories, people who no one else would even consider looking at. Neil didn't know whether or not to be offended that Hernandez thought he was a sob story. There couldn't have been any other reason why Wymack was here.

Neil looked at them for two, maybe three seconds in silence before turning his gaze to Hernandez. “You sent out my tape.”

“I know you asked me not to, but you're good. Too good. It would have been a waste of talent not to.” Hernandez defended.

“If I could talk to Neil alone, please.” Wymack asked. Hernandez obliged, but sent Neil a look that said  _ shout if you need me _ and  _ sorry _ . Neil sent him a grateful smile to indicate he wasn’t angry about the tape. He looked back at Wymack when the door had shut on Hernandez. “Why wouldn’t you want him to send out your tape?” Wymack asked gruffly. Not angry, confused.

Neil didn’t lie, but he had never told the whole truth in his life.“I’m inexperienced, sloppy, in possession of a bit of an attitude problem, and in all honesty, not good enough for a college team. I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment, I guess.”

“True, but irrelevant.” Suddenly, next to Wymack, shorter, but only barely, was Kevin Day, until recently, the second son of exy. Neil had long since burned his binder, instead keeping the catalogue of information in it on a thumb drive on his key ring (coded of course), but Kevin's face was burned into Neil's mind permanently from the day he had watched Neil's father butcher a man to pieces. So, this is where he'd gone off to. Curious. What connection did Kevin day have to the Palmetto state foxes? “I picked you out of hundreds. Consider yourself un-disappointed.”

“How do you know I meet the qualifications for your team? From what I know, there are certain… special requirements.” Neil was, of course, referring to Wymack’s affinity for… second chances.

The figure behind him was closer now, he had been inching up behind Neil since he entered the room. He obviously hadn’t done anything outrageous, or Wymack would have said something. The person was close enough now that if Neil swung his arm back, it would hit them in the chest. Neil did not hit them in the chest, he gave no indication that he knew there was anyone behind him at all.

Wymack looked at Neil like he could see right through him. Neil almost asked him what he knew. “Just a hunch.”

“And you?” Neil said. This was addressed to the person behind him. He did not turn his body, but he turned his head enough that he could see the figure behind him. “What do you think about me joining the team” Neil asked. Andrew Minyard smiled back at him, his smile widened when he realized Neil had known he was there the whole time.

“Don't make the mistake of thinking I care about who's on the team.” Andrew giggled. His voice was raspy and soft, and higher than Neil thought it would be. It would have been pleasant but for the high, false cheer that colored it. Nevertheless, Neil smiled, genuinely, back before turning back around.

Neil looked at Kevin “And what about you? You expect me to believe that you thought that I was something special?”

“I didn’t say that.” Kevin said haughtily. “But you have potential. You play with your heart on the line. Like you have everything to lose.”

Neil grinned easily, hiding the thrill the words sent through him “Is that your only criteria?”

“It’s the only criteria worth having.” Kevin said, deadly serious. Neil snorted, the sincerity with which Kevin spoke was adorable.

“Right, and the Moriyamas have nothing to do with it.” Neil said dryly

The room stilled.

“Why would the Moriyamas have anything to do with it?” Wymack asked slowly, measuredly.

Neil rolled his eyes. Everyone. “Please, you can drop the act, we all know you're here to send a message. No worries, I have the payment. I thought the drop date was in a week. Do you need it now?”

“What payment?” Kevin asked. He looked at Neil with no recognition in his eyes.

“Oh my god.” Neil said. “You really don't know. I know my hair's a different color, but I haven't changed that much Kevin.”

Kevin barely reacted.

Neil huffed out a sigh and removed his contact lenses. “Anything?”

Kevin's eyes widened. “Nathaniel?”

“There it is.” Neil muttered. “It's Neil, now.”

“You're supposed to be dead.” Kevin said.

“If I was supposed to be dead, I'd be dead.” Neil corrected.

“Andrew!” Wymack called, alarmed.

Neil felt something press to his back. He had felt it so many times before that he didn't have to look to know it was a knife. Neil cursed his own stupidity for turning his back on Andrew Minyard. He promised himself it would never happen again.

A voice hissed softly into his ear. “And why, exactly would you be paying the Moriyamas?”

Neil scoffed “Are you always this dramatic?” 

“Most of the time.” Andrew replied, pressing the knife tip further into his back, he sounded positively giddy.

“Kevin, would you tell the class why I would be paying the Moriyamas?”

“His father used to work for them. Nathan Wesninski, the butcher of Baltimore.” Kevin blurted quickly. “His mother stole a few million dollars and ran away with Neil. The Moriyamas caught them and were supposed to kill them. Nathan was fired and incarcerated soon after. Your mother must have brokered a deal with them to pay off your debts.”

“Something like that.” Neil confirmed. “I brokered the deal though. My mom was killed by Lola Malcolm, one of my father's people on the Canadian border. Still, for a criminal organization, the Moriyamas have really great interest rates, I’ll probably be done paying everything off by the time I turn twenty-five.” Neil shrugged, or started to, before he remembered the knife-point on his spine.

“Jesus Christ.” Wymack muttered 

“Am I still on the team?” Neil whisper-shouted jokingly.

Wymack looked Neil in the eyes. Neil didn't know what Wymack saw in them, but the coach was the one who looked away first.

“You know, it would really be kind of you to remove your knife from my back.” Neil pointed out.

“Or?”

Neil turned his head so that Andrew could see his father's smile. “I will remove it for you.”

Another staring contest. Another victory. But Andrew did not remove the knife.

“How did you enroll in the school?” Kevin interrupted. “Who signed your registration?”

“My uncle. I can't really tell you anything about him, you understand.”

“Sure.” Kevin said, dumbfounded.

“Is there anything else?” Neil asked pointedly.

No one said anything.

“Good.” Neil quickly flipped the knife out of Andrew's hands. Instead of attacking with it, Neil handed it back to Andrew with a smile and a wink. Andrew's own smile widened unsettlingly, and his eyes narrowed. Instead of turning back around, 

“Yes.” Wymack said finally.

“Yes?” Neil repeated.

“Yes you can still be on the team.” Wymack clarified. “If you want the spot. Full Scholarship. Housing and food paid. Granted you’re not going to sell us out to the ravens.”

“What?” Neil asked.

“What?” Kevin asked

Andrew only laughed

Neil thought about it. If he could get a steady job at Palmetto, then he could be done with his repayment plan in two years, maybe one if he worked two part time jobs and the moriyamas held up their side of the bargain. “Okay.” He said, softly.

“Okay?” Kevin asked incredulously.

“Okay.” Neil confirmed.

“So what now?”

“Well, if you’d like to call your uncle-”

“No need,” Neil interrupted. “Where do I sign?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Neil got the call from Ichirou after pizza with the team. He had been expecting it. He answered, beginning the short trek home from the pizza place.

“Hello, my lord.” Neil began respectfully

“Did it work?” Ichirou asked, sans greeting. His voice held interest, Neil was surprised, Ichirou almost never let emotion into anything he did.

“Full scholarship, and Wymack threw in food and housing. You’ll have your money sooner than we thought.”

“My father will have his money” Ichirou corrected. “Did you lie?” 

Neil tried to keep his voice even and deferential, despite the offense the last statement caused. “I know better than to lie about something that can be proven. The events of my life just sound a lot more pity-inspiring coming from my point of view.  I can assure you, Wymack doesn’t suspect a thing.”

“And Kevin?” Ichirou asked. 

“Perfectly safe. He barely recognized me.”

“Oh?” Ichirou asked. “But you're so… memorable.”

Neil snorted. “Thanks, my lord.”

Ichirou huffed out a breath and laughed. “So obedient. ‘My lord'. You’d think I’d done something besides have a son.”

“Congratulations,” Neil blurted out. “On your child.”

“Thank you.” Ichirou's voice was tinged with warmth “Suki and I are still looking at a name. What do you think, Alex? Stefan? Chris?”

“You're… naming him after me?” Neil asked.

“Neil, after all the times you've saved my life, I would have made you his godfather if I wasn't convinced of your inability to handle children.”

“Th-thank you.”

“Don't thank me, it's the least I can do. Unless you're finally going to let me pay off your debts to my father.”

“Then I’d owe the debt to you.” Neil answered. “I’ll pay your father back with good money, clean money,  _ my money _ .” Neil smiled “And I get to play exy.”

“I am never going to understand anyone’s fascination with that sport” Ichirou murmured. “I have to leave, the baby is up again. Be safe, and keep an eye on Day. I’m counting on you.”

“Yes my lord.” Neil replied, all business

“Goodnight Neil.”

“Goodnight, my lord.”


	2. I made you believe

“Are these all of your things?” Aaron asked as Neil set down his duffel bag.

Aaron Minyard. Andrew's estranged twin brother. Not a threat. He really was identical to Andrew. Usually there were some differences between twins but Neil couldn't spot any.

“What can I say,” Neil shrugged in response to Aaron. “I travel light.”

Aaron frowned, but not unkindly. It seemed frowning was just his perpetual state of being.“My cousin Nicky's outside with the car.”

Nicky Hemmick. A file on Neil's hard drive had him labeled as ‘Not a threat.’ He had a fiance in Germany that he left to take care of his cousins. Neil thought it was admirable, but thought nothing of Nicky aside from that. His parents were out of the picture and would remain that way. 

There was something strange about Aaron. He kept itching at his forearms, as if they weren't usually out in the open. Neil caught a glimpse of a crisscross of scars as Aaron put his hands into his pockets. His leg tapped and twitched incessantly when the rest of his body was moving. And Neil's files said that Aaron wasn’t a smoker. And yet, his voice had the same characteristic rasp as Andrew's...

The plot clicked in Neil's head a moment later. They had switched. Why? And why was Andrew off of his meds? What did they think Neil was hiding? Neil decided to play along. A game of dress-up never hurt anybody.

“So. Does Palmetto have a good library?” Neil asked.

“Why, are you a bookworm?” Now that Neil had figured it out, he saw through the cracks in Andrew’s act. He was actually very bad at it once Neil knew what he was looking for. It was very obvious that he didn’t care about what books Neil liked.

If Andrew was trying to do recon on him, that meant Andrew thought he was a threat. Neil didn’t want suspicion. He was going to have to do something about that.

“I’ve been known to crack open the occasional book, yeah. What about you?”

‘Aaron’ shrugged noncommittally. The perfect non-answer. What did he want to know?

The real Aaron and a man that Neil presumed was Nicky were waiting by a sleek black car. Neil didn't know what kind it was, but he could tell it was nice.

“Oh, wow.” Neil said sincerely. “Is that your car?” He smiled at Andrew. Andrew's eyes flicked down to his lips, the curve of his neck, then back up to his eyes and  _ oh wasn't that interesting _ . 

Andrew looked away, unconvincingly pretending to be uninterested. “It's Andrew's.”

Nicky saw them approaching and raised a hand in greeting. “Hi there, you must be Neil! I'm Nicky, Aaron and Andrew's cousin.” 

Neil put on his most charming smile. “It's lovely to meet you.”

It had the intended effect. “Oh, wow.” Nicky said, in the exact same tone Neil had complimented the car in. “Yeah, um, thanks.”

Aaron rolled his eyes before realizing that he was supposed to be pretending to be Andrew. 

Close up, the differences between the twins were evident. Andrew's lips were fuller, Aaron had a small mole under his left ear, Andrew had a little misbehaving curl of hair on his forehead, Aaron had a thinner nose. Still, they were very similar. It might have worked if Neil wasn't as observant.

“Um, would you excuse me before we leave, I have to call my uncle, tell him I made it.”

“Yeah, go right ahead,” Nicky said.

Neil moved to an area where he would see anyone who tried to listen in on him. 

The phone rang once, twice, then-

“Hello?” Stuart's gruff voice came over the phone. “You made it then?”

“Not dead yet.” Neil confirmed with a chuckle. “How's it over there?”

“Your cousins are killing me.” Stuart groaned. “Plausible deniability is hard to keep up when you've got the most inquisitive seven year olds in the world. And you? Those yakuza shits aren't working you too hard?”

Neil shook his head before realizing that Stuart couldn't see him. “Nothing more than I can handle. I'm looking at jobs in the area now. I might pick up those translating assignments I was telling you about earlier.” 

Stuart grumbled. “You always bite off more than you can chew. Won't you have schoolwork and practice?”

“I can balance it! Just like when I did field work.” Neil defended.

“There is a reason you're not allowed to do field work.” Stuart sounded smug.

Neil scoffed. “I'm literally doing field work right now!”

“Protection missions don't count as field work.”

Neil huffed. “I get a field work paycheck for it. That's all I care about.”

“I suppose.” Stuart laughed. “I'm glad you made it safely. Goodbye Neil.”

“Bye.” Neil said before hanging up and calling Ichirou.

“Hey.” Ichirou said “How did you like your seat?”

Neil sighed. “My lord, you didn't have to get me a first class ticket. You didn't have to buy my plane ticket at all.”

“Neil, if you're not going to let me actually pay you, then you have to let me use my money to do something for you. And stop calling me ‘my lord’ it’s weird.” Ichirou said. “My father's people sent you the briefing?”

“Yeah. Does anyone else know why I'm there?” If Neil had any liabilities, he had to know.

“Not unless you want to tell anyone. It's all in the file.” Ichirou said from across the line. “God. Your last mission. How does it feel?”

Neil ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “There seem to be complications already.”

“Oh?” 

“Andrew Minyard. He's suspicious.” Too suspicious. He knew something, Neil just couldn’t figure out what.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Probably try to get in his pants.” Neil shrugged.

“Neil!”

“What? He's cute, and smart, and I already know he likes me,”

“You can’t just seduce people into trusting you.” Ichirou sounded more exasperated than angry.

“I can try.” Neil smiled.

Ichirou sighed out a chuckle across the line. “I have to go, Neil. Duty calls.”

“I understand, it was nice talking to you. Goodbye.” 

Neil hung up and walked back to the others.

When Neil got back to the car, the twins had switched back. Andrew looked much more comfortable in his own clothes. 

Neil frowned, feigned confusion. He held up a hand to point at Andrew. “You seem… different?”

Andrew’s eyebrow shifted infinitesimally upward.

Neil shook his head and smiled like he’d made a mistake. “Nevermind, trick of the light,  I suppose.”

“Hmm.” Andrew hummed. His finger tapped listlessly against his thigh. He was nervous. Damn it, Neil hadn’t wanted to arouse more suspicion. 

Neil got into the car.

 

* * *

 

Neil didn't know what it was about being in a car that was going way faster than it needed to be that made him so happy. Maybe it was looking out the window and watching the world blur by. Maybe it was the thrill of getting away with something illegal. Maybe it was just the speed of it all, the quickening heartbeat in his ribs, the caught breath in his lungs, the wind from the open window whipping his hair around and into his face.

At a stoplight, Nicky started to say something about how speed limits were  _ rules not suggestions _ . Neil tuned out pretty quickly. He caught Andrew staring at him through the rearview mirror and grinned, brushing his hair out of his face. Andrew's face didn't change, but he didn't look away.

When the light turned green, Andrew sped forward, Neil's back slammed into the chair behind him, the wind blocked out every sound he could hear except his own too-fast heartbeat. Without meaning to, he let out a whoop, high and free. He didn't think anyone else would be able to hear it, but it seemed to egg Andrew on.

The car slammed to a stop at the next red light, Neil's body was pushed forward until his knees slammed into his chest. He couldn't stop smiling. He didn't bother to brush his hair out of his face.  

“Great.” He heard Nicky mutter. “Another crazy one.”

Andrew was looking at him again, but this time, when Neil smiled up at him, his eyes snapped back to the road.

Hook, line, sinker.

This was going to be easier than Neil had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I introduce to you: Drive Flirting!


	3. We're more than just friends

Wymack's house was empty when the group got there. 

“Get out of my car. I’m parking around back” Andrew said, and everyone but Neil scrambled to leave. Neil took his time. He felt Andrew's eyes on him, but he ignored them. There were bigger things at stake here. Kevin was waiting for them at the door.

Neil grabbed his duffel bag from the back before Andrew could drive away. He looped it over his shoulder and walked up to the door, Nicky was already chattering away.

“Oh, Neil!” Nicky exclaimed when he arrived. “So, you’re going to be staying with Wymack tonight because athlete housing doesn’t open up until tomorrow.”

“Kevin too, right?” Neil asked, just shy of nonchalantly. His voice was too high pitched, damn. He didn’t want to broadcast that he was gathering intel. He could pass it off as being starstruck if he was asked about it.

“Why would Kevin stay with Wymack?” Aaron asked. Not unkind, just uncaring. “No, he stays with us.”

Oh.

They didn’t know.

Neil sent Kevin a look and a raised eyebrow. Kevin had clearly caught on to what Aaron and Nicky had missed. He shook his head slightly, and Neil shot him a hint of a reassuring smile.

“I just thought… you aren’t related to Kevin… so-” Neil said

“We might as well be. None of us are allowed out of Andrew’s sight.” Aaron sighed.

Neil smiled, masking his discomfort. Andrew may be a bigger problem than initially projected “I’m sure that’s not true, he doesn’t seem that scary.” 

Nicky looked at Neil with something akin to pity. Aaron’s face was a little closer to disdain. Neil was already being underestimated. Good.

“Hey, Aaron, when did you say dinner was again?” Neil did have to confirm his switch hunch. Just in case Aaron and Andrew were just that similar. 

“Seven-thirty, usually.” Aaron confirmed. Neil smiled. They had switched.

“Why is Andrew talking to him about dinner?” Nicky asked, in German. Probably thinking that Neil couldn’t understand. Probably counting on it. “Do you think he likes him?”

Aaron rolled his eyes and replied in kind. “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

Andrew rounded the corner on foot and shook the keys to alert them of his presence. He pushed past them, unlocked the door, and shooed them in.

They made a beeline for the kitchen, and Neil pulled Kevin to the side.

“Why the hell don't they know?” Neil hissed.

Kevin gave a nervous laugh. “Know-”

“I swear to god if you say ‘know what' I'm going to turn around walk back to Millport. I'm not bluffing, I've walked farther.”

“Fine” Kevin sighed. “I didn't tell them.”

“Then why did they even take you?”

“Wymack has a soft spot for broken people.” Kevin's face turned haughty. “Also, you may have forgotten, but I'm the second best exy player on the collegiate level.”

“Best.” Neil corrected.

“What?”

Neil frowned and clarified. “You're the best exy player on the collegiate level.”

Kevin's face went blank.

“Aw, Kevin. You have a fan.” Andrew drawled suddenly from the door to the kitchen. He was holding a bottle of what looked like vodka.

Neil turned to face him. “Something tells me that's not yours.”

“And? Are you going to cry to Wymack about it?” Andrew asked. Nicky and Aaron were listening to the conversation now.

“No.” Neil said, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms. “But I might ask him why you aren't medicated.”

Andrew's false smile dropped to reveal not shock, but intrigue. Well, really, it dropped to reveal a completely expressionless face but Neil had been taught to read emotions in the twitch of a lip or a brow. 

“What the hell just happened?” Aaron asked in German. Nicky didn’t reply.

Andrew was still staring Neil down. Neil could give as good as he got, he did not flinch. The corner of Neil's lip quirked up. Andrew's, almost unconsciously, did the same. Neil's smile was a smug celebration. Andrew's was a threat.

“...and what is happening now?” Nicky said giddily.

The staring contest was interrupted by an unlocking door. Wymack.

“Must you little shits drain my house of liquor every time you're in it?” 

Andrew's smile was sickly again, his eyes manic. “We're legally obligated to try, coach.”

“Neil, come with me, I'll show you where you're sleeping.” Wymack said, he passed by without waiting for Neil to follow.

Neil followed him down the hall to a small room. Old habits died hard, he checked the hiding places. A window big enough to climb out of, a small attached bathroom, a small closet. The bed frame was too low to the ground to climb under.

“Thank you for letting me stay here.” Neil said, placing his duffel bag on the bed.

“Where's the rest of your stuff?” Wymack asked.

“Oh, this is it.” Neil looked at it. It wasn't really that little, was it?

“Did you not have anything else in millport?”

Neil shrugged and started to unpack. “No. Had to pack light to move from place to place, and besides, anything nicer than this, I sold for food money.” Neil had not said 

Wymack's face when Neil looked around was murderous. Neil's body reacted without him, he grabbed the duffel bag, swung it so that the bottom was facing Wymack and held it out in front of him like a shield. 

Wymack's face immediately went blank and Neil lowered the duffel.

There were a few awkward beats of silence in which Neil tried to come up with an excuse that wasn't I get scared when older men look angry at me.

“So-” Neil began.

“Don't apologize. I'm a big guy, I yell and I curse, but I've never hit anyone who didn't hit me first.” Wymack said.

“Uh… yeah.” Neil said. “Okay.”

Neil nodded and Wymack left the room. 

Kevin showed up in the doorway after his father had gone. “We're headed to check out the court, do you want to come?”

Neil smiled. “Sure.”

* * *

 

The foxhole court was a bright, gaudy orange. The color was offensive in its vividness. The seats, the doors, everything was bright fox orange.

Still, it was a court.

Neil breathed in the smell of home. No matter where he was, exy courts always smelled the same.

Kevin looked at him and apparently judged him worthy. “You want to practice?”

Neil grinned and headed to the locker room.

Andrew was sitting on the bench inside.

“Hey.” Neil said. “Do you know which locker is mine?”

Andrew shrugged. 

“I'm just gonna pick ten.” Neil said “Lucky number.”

“What's your game Josten?” Andrew asked.

“Exy.”

Andrew scoffed. “Cute.”

Neil shrugged. “Hey, it is. I know I've got a big fancy mysterious job description, but I'm just a guy that likes to keep his head down and avoid trouble.” sometimes Neil amazed himself with his ability to lie through his fucking teeth.

“Somehow, I don't believe that.” Andrew said. He stood up and moved toward where Neil was. “I think you're closer to the Moriyamas that you're letting on.”

He was right, but there was no reason to let him  _ know _ that. “Oh do you?” Neil said, chucking as if the suggestion was ridiculous. 

“I do. Do you want to know what I think?”

“Yes.” Neil said sincerely.

“Good.” Andrew paused. He had not expected that response. He pushed on “I think you're here following orders. I think that you were planted here to send Kevin back to the nest.”

“Oh yeah, you've got me, the Moriyamas made my coach send my tape out without my permission, and then they made you guys come to Millport to convince me to join you, instead of, I don't know, telling me to just abduct Kevin and drag him back to a college multiple states away.” Neil rolled his eyes. 

Only the first part was true, Hernandez had been monetarily coerced into sending out his tape, Neil had learned how to do Raven drills on court to make sure he was good enough to pique Kevin's interest, then held himself back on his high school court for the tape.

And besides, he definitely wasn't there to send Kevin back to the nest.

“So then why are you here?” Andrew asked.

Neil shrugged. “To play exy.”

Andrew clicked his tongue in disappointment. 

“Wrong answer.”

* * *

 

Next week, Neil was living in athlete housing . He had chosen the bottom bunk closest to the door, just in case he needed to make a quick getaway. 

He was back from a run and a shower. He looked through his duffel for clothes. Someone had done a very good job of rummaging through and then replacing everything in the bag. They folded the labels down flat. Neil reached inside the duffel bag to pull out a small teddy bear, he ripped open a small zipper on its back to check for his key ring. It was still there, along with his keys and USB. No one had taken it out of the bear.  Safe. Neil let out a sigh at his luck. Neil put the teddy bear back in his bad and folded his labels back up before walking up calmly to the only other occupied room. 

He knocked on the door, he heard voices inside. Nicky opened the door.

“Hi Nicky, mind if I come in?” Neil's smile was easy and charming. No edge to it at all. “I'm done packing and my room's a little lonely.”

Nicky's face visibly softened. Neil almost felt bad about manipulating him. Almost. “Oh, yeah, sure!” Aaron and Kevin were sitting on the couches inside. Andrew was standing behind them, leaning against the wall. He had clearly heard everything and he clearly wasn't buying a word of it.

Aaron and Kevin were playing video games, Kevin was struggling because of his inexperience and his injury, but he more than made up for it with enthusiasm.

Nicky was a perfect host. “Can I get you anything? Water, soda? It's a little early to drink, but we've got beer? Um… I think we still have some orange juice-”

Neil put a reassuring hand on his shoulder “Water is fine.”

Nicky smiled and nodded. Neil walked into the room and stood against the same wall as Andrew.

“So.” Neil began conversationally “Which one of you went through my things?”

The room went silent. Aaron paused the game.

Nicky laughed nervously. “What makes you think-”

“Don't play dumb Nicky, you're cute, but you're not  _ that  _ cute.” Neil snapped. Voice no longer light. “Aaron's showed no interest in me since I got here so I dont think it's him. Nicky's showed no signs that he's suspicious of me so he's out too. So it's either you, Kevin, or you, Andrew.”

Andrew hadn't stopped smiling since Neil started talking. His body was completely tense. Ready to strike. 

“Judging by how wound up you are right now, Andrew, I'd say it was you.” Neil asked.

Andrew was a blur of motion until there was a hand around Neil's throat and a knife stuck in the wall touching, but not cutting, his ear. Neil didn't flinch.

“Wow, you weren't kidding. You are  _ always _ this dramatic. Careful, if that knife breaks through any further you might have to spackle this wall, and this paint color looks like it'll be a bitch to match.” Neil observed. “Did you find anything interesting? In my bag?”

“Andrew!” Kevin hissed behind him. Andrew payed him no mind. 

“You,” Andrew said lowly “are very observant for a guy who likes to keep his head down and avoid trouble.”

Neil smiled. Andrew had quoted the words exactly. He had also folded and stacked the clothes in his duffel in order. Andrew had a better memory than he had led Neil to believe. “What can I say? It's a gift. Did you pin me to the wall just to tell me that I was observant?”

“I pinned you to the wa-” Andrew stopped, reconsidered his word choice, and smiled a little self-deprecatingly. 

Neil snorted “You all right there?”

“Shut up.” Andrew said, and it was almost like they were two friends indulging in a shared joke rather than someone being threatened with death by someone else.

“You were saying?” Neil prompted.

“You really don't have any self preservation instincts, do you? You seem to be a lot less scared of me than you should be.”

“And for someone with such a good memory, you're surprisingly forgetful.” Neil responded.

“Oh?” Andrew said, grinning. “And what exactly have I forgotten?”

Neil motioned for Andrew to learn in closer, and with a suspicious raise of his eyebrow, he did, until his ear was right by Neil's lips. Neil considered for a moment what it would be like to kiss the soft patch of skin right above his ear. Then Neil grabbed the back of Andrew's neck with his right hand while his left hand whipped up to grab the knife by his ear and flipped it to put to Andrew's stomach. “Knives. Don't. Scare. Me.” Neil punctuated each sentence with a slight increase in pressure from the blade. He pushed Andrew back. “If you want me to be scared of you, you'll have to try a lot harder. Though I'd prefer if you didn't try at all. There are more fun ways to get to know me, no?”

“Sure.” Andrew said, still smiling. It wasn't a smile Neil liked.

Neil looked down at his knife and held it up. “Do you want this back?”

Andrew shrugged. “Keep it. Souvenir. I'll find a way to get it back.”

Neil smiled, Andrew was already giving him gifts. “That's the ticket.” He looked at Aaron and Kevin. “You can get back to your game now, the show’s over. I think I'm going to leave now, would that be all right, Nicky?”

“Wh- Oh, yeah, go right ahead.” Nicky said, as if coming out of a daze.

Neil left the room smiling.


	4. Oh baby, it might seem like a crush

Neil waited in the physical room for Abby. He was sitting on the bed in the corner, swinging his legs back and forth, and waiting for Abby.

Neil had thought the room would be cold, stifling, but the walls were painted orange. Not the loud, abrasive orange of the court and uniforms, a deeper, darker color. It made the room feel warm, cozy even.

“Hello there,” Abby said as she walked in, she was distracted, looking at her clipboard. “You must be Neil Josten. David tells me you've had some trouble with Andrew?”

Neil chuckled “I'd say it's more like he's had some trouble with me.” Abby looked up and Neil smiled at her. It had the effect that it usually had on motherly, middle-aged women, in that she immediately softened.

Abby smiled. “Okay, let's get started, I'm going to need you to remove your shirt.”

Neil obliged and Abby, bless her heart, gasped. Neil waited for Abby to get over the mess of scars on his back and torso. He felt her eyes on him, flitting across the areas of his body that were more scar than skin, she quickly looked away and scribbled something on her clipboard. He didn't know if she would recognize bullet wounds but he didn't care, so he didn't ask.

The rest of the physical was routine. Questions about drug habits, family history. No he had no preexisting medical conditions. No he didn't smoke anymore.

“Anymore?” Abby asked

“I used to, but I stopped after a while. It was a nasty habit I couldn't afford to keep up.” Neil answered. All the money he spent on cigarettes was better used towards his debts. It had added up after a while.

“I understand why Andrew doesn't like you.” Abby said, smiling. “All right, that should be it, you're ready to go.

Neil nodded his thanks and slung his shirt over his shoulder. He left the room and immediately bumped into someone.

“Woah there, are you o...kay?” The man was over six feet tall. He was built like a brick house. He had kind eyes. He was on a thumb drive in a teddy bear somewhere under ‘Matt Boyd- not a threat’. The pause in his question was because he had taken in the scars on Neil's body.

Neil pretended not to notice. “I'm fine, sorry, I should have watched where I was going.”

Matt shook his head, grinning. “No worries. You're Neil right? The new recruit?”

“That's me.”

Matt stuck out his hand for a handshake “I'm Matt.”

“It's nice to meet you.” Neil accepted the handshake. Matt had a good grip. Neil decided that they were going to be friends. “You're going to get your physical now, right?”

“Yep. Do you have a ride back to the dorms? This shouldn't take too long, I can drive you.”

Neil shook his head “No, thanks though, Andrew's supposed to drive me back.”

Matt sucked a breath in through his teeth. “Are you sure that you want him to?”

“He's been perfectly civil since I met him.” Neil shrugged 

“Didn't he threaten to stab you twice?”

News traveled fast around here.

Neil held his hands up in a  _ what can you do? _ sort of motion “Every friendship has its problems.”

“I wouldn't call it a friendship.” A voice echoed from the other side of the hall. Andrew had arrived. He was looking at Neil's chest. Whether it was because of the scars or because of the shirtlessness was to be determined.

“Every relationship then.” Neil shrugged. “It was nice meeting you, Matt.”

“Ditto.” Matt said, not taking his narrowed eyes away from Andrew.

Neil walked past Andrew, watching the hazel eyes snake down his torso. Not just because of the scars then. Neil flipped the shirt off his shoulder and put it back on methodically.

“Already shirtless in front of our teammates,” Andrew giggled in his drug-addled way. “You do know he has a girlfriend, right?”

“Hmm. Good to know, but I wasnt planning on anything. He's cute, but he's not my type.” Neil smiled. “If I didn't know any better I'd say you sounded jealous.”

Andrew clicked his tongue. “It's a good thing you know better then.”

“It's a good thing.” Neil repeated.

Neil enjoyed sitting up front. The car was pretty spacious when there weren't three other people in it. “Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin didn't want to come?”

“What, you missed Nicky ogling you?”

Neil buckled in as Andrew pulled out of the parking lot. “Envy, envy, makes you mean, envy, envy, turns you green.”

Andrew let out another high, delirious laugh. “I'm not jealous.”

“And yet.”

“You know, I'm going to kill you if you keep that up.”

Neil shrugged “It would be about time, everyone keeps threatening to. Something about my smart mouth.”

Andrew's eyes flicked to that same smart mouth and Neil pretended not to notice. Andrew practically punched the radio on.

_ Dont go breaking my heart. _ Sang the radio. _ I couldn't if I tried _ .

“Oh hey, I know this one!” Neil said.

“You say that like it's a rare occurrence.” Andrew replied, car gaining speed. He wasn't wrong.

“ _ Oh honey if I get rest-less _ !” Neil sang with the radio, just to be contrary. He had learned this song with Suki on a field mission in Prague. “ _ Baby, you're not that kind _ !”

“Your voice is terrible.” Andrew commented. 

“ _ I make up for it with enthusiasm-knock on my door _ .” Neil sang quickly to the tune of the song. “Come on, don't be a square.”

“I gave you my key.” Andrew deadpanned, adding the relevant pauses to his words but not changing his inflection in any significant way. Still, he was playing along, and Neil could work with that.

 

* * *

 

The roads Andrew was taking weren't on the way to the dorms, so either Andrew was taking a shortcut, or they were going somewhere else first.

“Where are we headed?”

“We're getting dessert.”Andrew shrugged. “If I don't find the results satisfactory, we continue next week. If I do, then I take you home, you tell everyone I tried to stab you again.”

“I guess that works… but dessert...” Neil observed cautiously.

“What.” Andrew practically spat out.

“Andrew, are we on a date?”

Andrew snorted. “Don't be stupid, mousey. This is an interrogation.”

“Disguised as a date.”

“Shut up.”

“I don't think we're supposed to be having dessert first thing in the morning.”

Andrew looked at Neil as he pulled into a parking spot and smirked. “So?”

Neil looked up at the purple sign. It said something in Italian, but there was what looked like an ice cream cone next to it.

“Gelato?”

“Gelato.”

Neil grimaced. “Kevin's going to kill us if he finds out about this.”

“Kevin?” Andrew asked. 

“Yeah.”

“Kevin has an exy racquet up his ass, and he wouldn't know a good time if it walked up to him and gave him whiskey and a blowjob.” Andrew wrinkled his nose.

“He's not that bad” Neil said, inwardly shocked to be defending Kevin.

“How would you know? You've barely met him.” Andrew rolled his eyes. “Besides, he doesn't like gelato.” Andrew said, as if that made Kevin beyond saving. “Come on, they dont just have gelato, we'll find you a rabbit food dessert.”

Andrew was out of the car before his words dawned on Neil.

“I'm not a rabbit.” Neil muttered as he unbuckled his seat belt.

The inside of the store was pleasantly chilly. Neil supposed that made sense, because of the gelato. The shop was relatively busy and Neil could see why. The store was brightly lit and furnished with plush chairs and low tables. It was inviting, despite the cold from the gelato and the surprisingly large size of the shop.

Andrew wove his way through the crowd and greeted the cashier with a sickly smile.

“A medium stracciatella with cookie dough for me please. And a brioche and granita for the rabbit. Lemon. Thanks.”

“People know you here.” Neil observed.

“People see me here often.” Andrew corrected. “I come here with Renee sometimes.”

Renee. Neil hadn't met her yet, but

“I've had brioche and granita in Italy, does this place measure up?”

“Give it a second and you'll find out.” Andrew said, bored.

The granita was placed in front of Neil, the texture of fresh snow, the small bun of sweet bread steaming next to it. Neil had a bite of each. “Mmm. Yeah. It's that good.”

“The almond one is better but I thought you'd have a heart attack if you were expected to eat anything creamy.” Andrew observed, trying not to watch Neil's lips.

Neil smiled. “Maybe next time.”

Andrew raised his eyebrows. “Next time.”

“Well, assuming you're not hating any of this as much as I'm not hating any of this? I'd say things are going pretty good, yeah? I've been on worse dates.”

“Its not a date.” Andrew said through gritted, smiling teeth. He didn't want to be smiling, and that's what made him so painful to look at.

“Right, it's an ‘interrogation’.” Neil repeated sardonically. “Well, interrogate away.”

“Why are you here. And don't give me that ‘to play exy’ shit. We both know that's a lie. You're here for the Moriyamas. What are you doing for them.”

Neil sighed. He had known it was coming. That didnt mean he wanted to talk about it. “So as you could probably tell, I'm not just paying off the Moriyamas, I work for them.”

“Try to tell me something I don't already know.”

“Well how much do you know? How much did Kevin tell you?”

“Assume I know nothing.” Andrew drawled, stretching his arms lazily above his head.

Neil raised an eyebrow. “I doubt that. But okay. The Moriyamas have two branches. The main branch and the side branch. The side branch is where all the exy endeavors take place Tesuji and Riko Moriyama work there. Second sons. Not really that important, but they do make us a lot of money.”

Andrew's face was confused for a second before a smile took it over

“I work for the main branch. I did field work for most of my time working for them with Ichirou and his then-girlfriend, now-wife Suki Moriyama. We were all kids then, and who pays attention to a few kids playing in the street when you're discussing private information on the second floor? We used to heat up the rooms up just enough so they had to open the windows.” Neil smiled with the memory. “When I wasn't working in the field I was doing protection missions or translation work.”

“Translation work?”

“ _ Claro que si _ .” Neil replied “It's easy to learn languages when you're in a new country every month, I'm fluent in about nineteen languages, I'm passable in about seven more.”

“Which means you speak German.”

Neil nodded “which means I speak German. Don't tell Nicky, I think it's funny when he talks about my ass.”

Andrew snorted.

“I don't do field work anymore.”

“And I don't think you're here to translate anything, which means that you're on a protection mission.” Andrew caught on quick “who are you protecting?”

Neil tilted his head and ate a spoonful of granita. “Same person you're protecting.”

“You're going to have to be more specific.”

Neil laughed “he's got an exy stick up his ass and he wouldn't know a good time if it blew him,”

“I thought the Moriyamas had no interest in protecting him. That's why they sent him to us beaten within an inch of his life.” Andrew pointed out, licking his spoon as if he had just made an observation about the state of Neil's hair.

different branches have different interests. Riko Moriyama is…” Neil sighed “irrational, and impulsive, and a threat to the main branch's interests, and likely to be a threat to Kevin again. I'm working on that, but on the record, Kevin got hurt in a skiing accident, and we can't punish Riko for that. I'm here to make sure that Kevin doesn't jeopardize his usefulness by going back to Evermore.”

“And does Kevin know?”

Neil shrugged “why would he?”

Andrew hummed.

“Is that sufficient?” Neil asked

“It'll do. For now.”

“Until next time?” Neil predicted.

“Until next time.” Andrew confirmed.

 

* * *

 

The drive home was far from silent, there was just no discussion of Kevin, or the Moriyamas. Instead, Neil and Andrew talked zombie apocalypse survival strategy, favorite ice cream flavors, and German curse words. Andrew was, Neil was pleased to learn, pretty fun to be around, even if he smiled too wide and laughed too hard. There was just something about him that was so…

Oh. 

Neil liked him.

That was fast. Faster than liking someone usually went. Maybe falling out of like would go quick as well.

By the time they had pulled into the parking lot, Neil didn't want to leave. “Did you get everything you wanted? From this… not date?” Neil asked, not knowing what exactly what he wanted the answer to be. He unbuckled his seatbelt.

“I'm not so sure I did” Andrew looked at Neil, brow furrowed, stray curl on his forehead and hazel eyes illuminated like gold by the sun outside. “You don't add up, Neil Josten”

“I'm not a math problem." Neil looked Andrew up and down. He was cute when he wasn't smiling like a maniac.

"I'll still solve you." Andrew replied, voice deep and husky.

Neil cocked his head, a slow smile snaked its way across his face. "Not gonna lie, that's kind of hot."

“One more question.” 

“Shoot.”

“Earlier, you said Matt wasn't your type…” Andrew didn't say anything else for a few moments and Neil sat, calmly in his seat. Not moving to get out until Andrew asked what he wanted to. “...what is?”

Neil let out a chuckle. “Normally I would say that I don't have one, but lately?” He opened his eyes and let the sunlight flood his vision, and for a few moments, everything was bright enough that Neil could say whatever he wanted and not have to see how the world took it. “Lately I've had a bit of a thing for blondes.”

A flurry of motion to his side. An unclicking seatbelt. A sudden weight in his lap. Legs straddling him. Neil's eyes adjusted for only a moment to see Andrew in all his sunlit glory, before they fluttered shut again to kiss Andrew.

As if being smart, and fun, and handsome weren't enough? Andrew was also an excellent kisser. The kiss was rough, but not bruising, there was no awkward, angry sign of teeth that a fast kiss like this might create otherwise. No, Andrew kissed like the world was going to end in five minutes and he had to pack everything he was feeling into this kiss or it would be lost forever. He kissed like Neil was something rare, something few and far between. Like he had been kissing Neil for years in this exact same way, sure but soft, like he was holding something precious, like there was no other way to kiss.

Neil pulled back to breathe and revelled in the way Andrew chased his lips for a moment. Then Neil leaned in again, not all the way. He let Andrew close the distance. There were warm hands under his shirt now, running up the rough, scarred skin, Andrew and that memory of his cataloguing every wound.

Andrew's hand moved downwards to unbuckle Neil's belt and Neil pulled back. “Wait.”

Immediately Andrew's hands were off of him. “What is it?” he began to pull back.

Neil put his hands on Andrew's shoulders to still him “You're high.” He said simply. “I don't want to do anything you'll regret later.”

“How do you know I’ll regret anything?”

“I don’t,” Neil shrugged, “But right now, how do you?”

Andrew was silent.

“Besides.” Neil continued in a mock-arrogant tone of voice “you’re going to want to be in your right mind for your first time with  _ me _ ,” He tossed his head back in a smooth motion. Andrew put his hand on Neil’s cheek and pushed his face back.

“You’re insufferable.”

“You like it.”

Andrew looked Neil in the eyes. “This is not a date.”

“You’ve made that abundantly clear.”

Andrew held up a finger to Neil’s lips “And there will be no dates in the future. ‘This’.” Andrew muved the finger back and gestured to the space between them between them “is a no-feelings situation.”

Neil shrugged “Friends with benefits, I can work with that.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Acquaintances with benefits.”

“We’ve barely met each other, I wouldn’t say we’re acquainted.”

Neil thought for a moment. “Teammates with benefits?”

Andrew nodded. “That’ll work.”

He got his keyas, opened the door from Neil’s side and stepped out.

“Same time next week?” Neil called teasingly after him.

Andrew stopped in his tracks and turned around. “Yeah.” he replied, dead serious.

It was a not-date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yzma Voice* I bet you weren't expecting ...THIS!
> 
> Some of you, reading the tags, might have thought that Neil was the only horny one, but no. I am an equal-opportunity horniness advocate, and so Andrew gets to share.


	5. But it doesn't mean that I'm serious

“Neil.”

“Hello, Suki.” Neil replied through the phone on the way to the airport. The Japanese he was speaking turned heads in the car. Nicky and Aaron made eye contact, Kevin's back went rigid. In the rearview mirror, Andrew’s eyes didn’t move from the road. “What's this about.”

“Well, I was hoping there would be a few more pleasantries, you know ‘hey Suki, how are you, how do you feel after pushing a human being out of your body?' Maybe a ‘congratulations’ but okay, let's talk about the stickball boy.”

“I sent flowers. And one of those fruit baskets where the fruit is dipped in chocolate? I don't know how to say edible arrangement in Japanese.” Neil tried. He said the words in English and Nicky's face got even more confused.

“An edible arrangement that Ichirou ate all the strawberries off of. Now I'm just stuck with melons and pineapple.”

“You love melons and pineapple.” Neil pointed out.

“It's the principle of the thing.”

“How's the kid?”

“We went with Alex. It's pretty gender neutral, so if the kid comes out later in life, we're ready. And he's an adorable little fucking pain. Can you tell sleep I miss it.”

“I'll tell it when I see, these newest translations are keeping me up all night” 

“Don't push yourself too hard kiddo,”

“You're not that much older than me”

“I get to call you that, I'm a mother now.” Suki defended snootily. “So anyway, I called to give you a heads up, you're going to be dealing with the second branch a lot more than we thought this year.”

“Aw, what? No! Why?” Neil whined in English before reverting back to Japanese. “Do I have to go to those budget meetings again? Those were so annoying.”

Suki laughed “You sound the same as you did five years ago. Don't worry, no budget meetings. You'll be seeing them on court. They're transferring to your district. Trying to make your job harder, it seems.”

“I'm going to murder that little rat bastard.” Neil muttered darkly. Kevin blanched next to him and mouthed the word  _ murder _ at Nicky. Neil placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention and mouthed the words  _ calm the fuck down _ . 

“I'm just the messenger.” 

Neil sighed “Who knows?”

“Wymack. He might have told Day, but we don't have sources in Palmetto to confirm that, but who knows who else he told.”

“Down south you said?” Neil asked in English. Kevin went paler. No one else reacted besides registering the English. Neil continued in Japanese. “Oh yeah. He knows, but he didn't tell anyone.”

“He's with you? Can he understand what we're saying?”

Neil scowled. “Only the violent things.”

Suki sucked in a breath on the other line. “The poor kid. That bastard must have done a number on him.”

“I don't intend to let it happen again.”

“Good.” Then a pause. “Ichirou tells me you've made friends with Andrew Minyard.”

“A bit more than friends I think.” Neil said smugly.

Suki made a sound of disbelief. “Already? Neil you dog. Tell me everything.”

Neil laughed. “Later. Though, concerning him, you'd better put his name in the file. He knows.”

“How much?”

“Just everything about me. What I'm doing here, all that. Don't worry, I didn't name any names, so to speak. Despite popular opinion, I do know how to do my job.” Neil braced against his seat as the car turned sharply.

“I'm not so sure if you're already sleeping with someone on the job.”

Neil scoffed. “I am not  _ sleeping _ with anyone. The most I've done is kissed him and even then, he practically jumped at the chance, I was a perfect gentleman.”

“Oh yeah, because  _ that's _ how I'd describe you.” Suki said, sarcastic.

“Besides, he wants the same thing as us. He's practically doing my job for me.” Neil said stretching his legs out on front of him.

Duke let out a long, suffering sigh. “... alright… yeah, I'll put him in the file. Goodbye Neil.”

“Bye Suki.” Neil clicked the phone off and looked up at Kevin. He said in English: “you know, Kevin, you're making it extremely hard for anyone to protect you.”

“Why is that?” Andrew asked from the front.

“The ravens are transferring to our district.”

Nicky and Aaron both made noises that were some variant of  _ what? _

“And, surprisingly, Kevin knew, and unsurprisingly, he told no one.” Neil said, barely keeping his voice under control. “We're here.” 

The car was silent until Andrew parked and Neil got out. No one else got out of the car and Neil didn't wait for them. It wasn't his job to deal with Kevin's drama. Just the results of it. 

Neil strode into the locker room. Matt saw him, pointed him out to a muscular woman Neil recognized as Dan Wilds (first female captain of an NCAA team, minor threat), and waved him over.

“Hey Neil!” Matt said cheerily. “This is Dan, she's the captain of the team and also, my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Neil said. “Great! It's nice to meet you.” He stuck out his hand for a handshake and Dan obliged. “Wow, you've got a grip.”

“I've been told I have the handshake of a young farm boy.” Dan joked. Her eyes set on something behind Neil. “Renee!”

Neil turned to find a young woman with bleached, shoulder length hair with rainbow colors at the tips. “Walker!”

Renee was less excited to see him. “Josten. Causing trouble?”

“Trouble? Me?” Neil asked. “Never.”

“Wait, you two know each other?”

“He's… a friend of a friend.” Renee explained. “I've helped him out a few times.”

“Saved my ass more like.” Neil corrected. “It's good to see you.”

Renee softened. “You too.”

“Aww that's so sweet.” Andrew called. “You never told me you liked bunnies.”

“Again.” Neil sighed. “I'm not a bunny.”

“No… I kind of see it.” Aaron said from behind Andrew. “You're twitchy”

“Makes sense that you agree, you two have the same...” Neil gestured to about the twin's height “...viewpoint.”

There was a moment of electric silence. If anyone moved, lightning would strike.

Then Andrew laughed and moved on. It wasn't the drugs, Neil had the feeling he would be dealing with a knife against his throat in any other situation. 

Matt was looking at him like it was surprise that he was still alive.

Neil elected to ignore it “So who are we waiting on?”

“Allison and Seth.” Dan answered.

“Speak of the devil.” Nicky muttered as a tall blonde walked in, followed by a not-as-tall-but-still-impressively-sized guy. The looks on their faces said that they were not currently on speaking terms.

Allison Reynolds surveyed the room, and her eyes found Neil and lit up. She moved over to Neil in what could only be described as a hunting motion. It was all very theatrical and clearly only happening to make Seth mad. As Seth Gordon was supposed to be a bit of an asshole, Neil didn't really mind. 

Neil noticed that there was a clear split between the team. Andrew's side and Renee's. Neil supposed that he ought to go join Andrew and the others, but Neil had no intention of being property.

Wymack walked into the locker room. “I see that you've all gotten acquainted. We have a new recruit, Neil Josten. Say hello on your own time, because I have news.”

“The ravens are switching districts.” Aaron announced for him. “Neil told us in the car.”

There was general uproar from Renee's group. Neil caught the brunt of it from Matt, who yelled his  _ What! _ right by Neil's ear.

“How did Neil know?” Dan asked.

“He works for the Moriyamas.” Wymack explained.

“And we're alright with him being here?” Seth asked, already angry.

“Yes.” Wymack answered pointedly “We are. Or at least we had better be if we don't want to run the first marathon of the year.”

Seth scoffed. “So we're just fine with anyone joining the team? We let on psychopaths and f-”

“Try it, Seth, see what happens.” Nicky threatened, less angry than exhausted with Seth's antics, despite only having .

Seth glared at Nicky, but obliged “and now we're just letting straight up gangbangers on the team? Hm?”

“Gordon you just signed yourself up for the next 5k, thank you for your donation to the American Heart Association. Keep going and we're raising it up to a half marathon for children with diabetes.” Wymack said.

Seth shut up.

“In other news, Kevin and Neil, in two weeks you two are going to be giving an interview with-”

 

* * *

 

Kathy Ferdinand. Neil had never met her, but he knew the type. Superficially kind, in it for the drama. Neil could respect it, but he was having  trouble liking it.

Kevin was an excellent actor. His smile was mildly swoon-worthy at worst, positively dreamy at best.

“How come  _ he _ never got a no-feelings-situation?” Neil whispered to Andrew as Kevin smiled and mingled with the crew of the show.

“ _ He _ is an insufferable hardass with a girlfriend.” Andrew replied at the same volume. “And he never smiles at any of us like that.”

Neil sighed. “What a waste.”

“Josten. Hair and makeup!” A familiar voice called. 

Neil waved bye to Andrew. “Watch him.” He gestured at Kevin. He moved to a vanity where Ichirou was standing with a makeup kit.

“What are you doing here?” Neil whispered.

“Witnessing your first appearance on TV.” Ichirou replied conversationally.

“Bullshit.”

“Yeah you're right, I'm here to deliver intel. But I am staying for the show.” Ichirou began to apply powder to Neil's face. The routine was familiar from all the times they'd had to slightly change their appearances while crossing the border “My brother is here.”

“What?” It took everything in Neil's body to not vault out of his chair and find Kevin.

Ichirou gestured for Neil to look up and dipped a brush in some green eyeshadow. “He's not here to hurt Kevin. Just some intimidation. He's playing a game of chicken. Your job is to make sure it backfires. Kevin has to stay with the foxes.”

Neil nodded. He knew what he had to do.

 

* * *

 

In the green room, Andrew was already waiting for him with Kevin.

“So I have bad news.” Neil said. Kevin tended on the couch and Andrew began to laugh. “Riko Moriyama is here.”

Andrew's laughs grew louder, more hysterical. Neil sat across from him on Kevin’s couch and looked at him sadly. Andrew on the drugs should not have hurt as much as it was hurting Neil right now. 

Neil tore his eyes away to look  at Kevin. “He's not going to hurt you, just try and get you to come back to the ravens. So what's the game plan? You can fake sick and I'll just go on for you.”

Kevin looked confused. “Why do you care?”

Neil looked at Andrew “You didn't tell him?”

“None of his business.”

“It's kind of the definition of his business.””

“Excuse me.” Kevin interjected “What’s my business.”

“Neil is here to make sure that you don’t go back to the nest.”

Neil did his most sarcastic approximation of jazz hands. “Surprise.”

Kevin sat back in his chair and looked surprised. “I didn’t think the main branch cared.”

“Well, odds are you’re a good investment. And the main branch would like you to continue to be a good investment. That doesn’t happen if you’re anywhere near Riko.” Neil shrugged

“So how long are you going to be doing this?” Kevin asked.

“Until my debt is paid off. If the threat is still there by then, the Moriyamas will send someone else. Though they probably won’t be as charming as I am.”

“What will you do?” Andrew from the other side of the room.

“I'll quit and do some other job for someone who won't pay me as much.” Neil shrugged. “Spy work maybe. Translation-”

“Exy.” Kevin suggested. “I've seen you on the court. You're good. You could make court.”

“That's a nice thought Kevin.”

“I'm serious.” Kevin pushed on. “If you work hard enough, you could make it happe-”

“It's not going to happen Kevin. Drop it. Now.” Neil snapped. He sighed, calmed himself down, looked away. “Let's just focus on how we're going to do this interview.”

Kevin looked like he wanted to protest, but didn't.

Neil rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. “Okay so the main thing is, don't waver. Here's the story: You're a fox now, you've practically always been a fox, in spirit anyway, and in spirit, you're always going to be a fox. You've made such good friends with the team. If you're going to compliment anyone here, make it Dan or Wymack, try and stay away from drawing attention to people who aren't already in the public eye, because then people are going to think you're just lying to justify leaving. No offense Andrew.”

“None taken. This is fascinating.”

Kevin was less convinced. “And Riko?” 

Neil grinned. “You let me take care of him.”

This was going to be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrew: So the new kid...
> 
> Renee: Oh Neil? He and I go way back!
> 
> Andrew:
> 
> Andrew: 
> 
> Andrew: What the fuck


	6. Because to lose all my senses?

“So, Kevin, as we all know, you recently made the switch from the Edgar Allen Ravens to the Palmetto State Foxes, yes?”

The crowd rumbled, and a few  _ boo _ s flew out. Neil recognized Seth's voice as one of them and bit down a laugh.

Kevin smiled graciously, but a muscle in his jaw clenched. “That's right.”

* * *

 

_ 2 hours before the show. _

_ __________ _

_ “Seth!” _

_ “Fuck you.” Seth said without looking up from his phone. _

_ “Fuck you too!” Neil replied cheerily “Can I ask a favor?” _

_ Seth looked confused “Go for it I guess.” _

_ “Can you like, piss Kevin off a little?” Neil asked. _

_ “Why?” Seth asked back. _

_ “Riko Moriyama is here.” Neil answered. _

_ “Shit.” Seth observed sagely. “Why is pissing Kevin off gonna help?” _

_ Neil shrugged. “Well Kevin is effectively terrified right now, and I can't work with terrified, so I need him angry. Can you help with that?” _

_ “Sure, if you make Wymack cancel that 5k.” Seth said, leaning back in his chair. _

_ Neil scoffed a laugh. “Not a chance. You dug your grave, now you get to lie in it. Are you going to help me or not?” _

_ Seth, for a moment, looked like he would refuse, then he groaned and stood. “Fine.” _

_ “Thank you.” Neil said gratefully. “I’m gonna go make sure that Kevin doesn't die.” _

_ Seth flipped him off as he left. _

* * *

 

Kathy smiled like a tiger about to pounce. “And how has your time with the foxes treated you?”

There were beads of sweat rolling down Kevin's neck. “It's definitely been… different. Being with the foxes is a completely new experience for me.”

Neil bit his lip. That was too neutral. Kevin needed to be decidedly happy to have left the ravens or Riko would pounce on the insecurity. He gently nudged Kevin's knee with his own. Kevin got the hint.

“The team is great,” Kevin said. “The foxes are definitely a fun bunch.” There were some whoops from the foxes’ section of the audience.

“That's interesting to hear. Because I think your old team might have something to say about that.” A crash of drums. A swell of brass. The Edgar Allen Ravens fight song. Neil nodded his head to the beat. It was catchy. Weirdly ominous, but catchy. Kathy flashed her teeth and announced “Everyone, please welcome, Riko Moriyama of the Edgar Allen Ravens!”

* * *

 

_ 1 hour, 20 minutes before the show. _

_ ________ _

_ “Moreau.” _

_ Jean jumped. Neil had popped up behind him at craft services. Jean turned to see it was only Neil. “Oh.” _

_ “Hi, I'm Neil Josten. I-” _

_ “I know who you are. You are the foxes’ new striker.” _

_ Neil smiled. “I'm not only the foxes new striker. Does the name Marion Clairmonte mean anything to you?” _

_ Jean was immediately on edge. “Who told you that name?” _

_ “She did. Lovely girl. Had a certain fondness for mermaids. You'd like to see her again, yes?” _

_ Jean didn't react with anything but suspicion. _

_ Neil reconsidered what he had said. “Oh. I realize that this sounds like a threat. It's not, I really just want to get you out of the nest.”  _

_ “How?” _

_ Neil raised an eyebrow. He didn't think answers were going to come so easily? “I'm working on it. But I was hoping that you would do a few things for me.” _

_ Jean crossed his arms and waited.  _

_ “Ichirou is here. Can you make sure Riko doesn't know until he gets out to see the audience?” _

_ “I can.” _

_ “Will you?” _

_ “You'll just have to wait and see, no?” _

_ Neil grinned. Jean was going to cooperate. “Pleasure doing business with you.” He turned and began to walk away. _

_.“I didn't say I'd do anything!” _

_ “Sure you didn't.” _

* * *

 

Riko Moriyama walked out onto stage, the picture of victory. Kevin, next to Neil, admirably did not burst out into tears. Neil looked at him, the firm set of his jaw, the fire in his eyes. This was the sight of Kevin Day righteously angry, and what a sight it was. Neil smirked, a little self satisfied, as Riko looked out into the audience and saw his brother. Neil wanted to bottle the feeling he got when he saw Riko's insufferable smile drop into utter confusion.

From the audience, Ichirou waved. Riko made a strange choking noise.

“Riko, are you alright?” Kathy asked, oblivious.

Riko looked at Neil and Neil raised an eyebrow. “I'm fine. It's just…” he took one last look out into the audience. “...nice to see Kevin again.”

“Again?” Kathy “This is your first time seeing each other since Kevin left?” She was barely tamping down her excitement. Neil had to give it to her, she was smart, she had sniffed out the headline in a second.

Riko sat down.

“When you leave the Ravens,” Kevin said for Riko, confused. “it's kind of final.”

“Well you didn't have to leave.” Kathy pointed out. “From what I understand, you were offered an assistant coach positions with the Ravens, am I right?”

Riko recovered some semblance of control and smiled at Kathy. “That's right, Kathy.”

“So then the question begs to be asked, why didn't you take it?”

* * *

 

_ 1 hour before the show. _

_ _______ _

_ “Hi Kathy.” _

_ “I'm not giving you extra screen time.” _

_ Neil smiled understandingly. “I'm not asking you to. Look, you're doing this to push a narrative right?” _

_ Kathy raised an eyebrow. Neil had her attention. _

_ Neil seized the opportunity. _

_ “Well so am I. I'm just here to make sure we're pushing the same one.” _

_ “I'm listening…” _

_ “Good.” Neil nodded. “Here's the story…” _

* * *

Kathy grinned, waiting patiently for an answer.

“Well.” Kevin began cautiously. “I wanted to play. Simple as that. The ravens weren't going to let me do that, so I moved to a team that would. The Ravens were a wonderful part of my life for a long time. But I'm excited to see where this new chapter of my life brings me. I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm a fox now, plain and simple.”

Cheers from the foxes. Neil clapped a hand on Kevin's shoulder. “Good.” he said.

“And Riko. You've been Kevin's friend since your childhood. You're the sons of exy. You're practically brothers.” Jesus, Kathy was laying it on thick. “Does Kevin have your blessing?” Still, she was good at her job, if Riko was anything but supportive here, then he was the asshole.

Riko gave the only answer he could. Staring daggers at Kevin, what he said was: “Of course he does.”

//////

“So how did you know everything would work out?” Andrew said, picking up his things from the green room couch.

“Didn't.” Neil answered, sipping on a coke he had gotten from craft services.

“So you just… winged that entire interview on the hope that people would do you favors?”

“Well, I didn't think it was going to work that well. If only one of the three things worked then we'd have done fine.” Neil rationalized.

“You had no way of knowing if Seth, Kathy or Moreau would do what you said.” Andrew said. His drugs were wearing off, Neil could see. “Or that Riko would even see his brother in the audience.”

“Yeah, but it all happened.” Neil pointed out. “And now, Kevin publicly has Riko's blessing to play with the foxes. I can guarantee you won't have any more of those raven fan attacks for a while. I'd count this as a success.”

“That you had no idea would happen.” Andrew said, half asking, half stating. He was looking at Neil now with a look that Neil liked to describe as the  _ wow, you're incredible _ face but he had since learned was the  _ I can't believe this idiot _ face (he had seeing it many times on many people). “Yes or no?”

Neil's answer was immediate. “Yes.”

They went crashing together on the couch, Andrew undid Neil's tie and moved Neil's hands to his jaw while his own hands travelled into Neil's suit jacket to hold his waist. The kiss was searing. Andrew grinded his hips down onto Neil's and Neil barely bit back his moan. Neil pulled back. 

“Jesus. Do you have to jump my bones every time you want to kiss me?” He teased. “Sometimes a guy likes a little gentleness.”

“More fun this way.” 

Neil shrugged. “Can't argue that.”

He reconfigured his body so that they were both lying down a little more comfortably. 

“Say what you want about Kathy Ferdinand, but she can pick out a couch.” Neil said. “God, I feel like a teenager. I haven't made out on a couch since-”

“Neil?” Andrew asked.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.” Andrew leaned in but let Neil close the distance between them. Neil let his hands move back against Andrew's jaw until they were looped around his neck. 

Andrew's hips were in motion again, harder, faster, with more purpose. Soon, Neil couldn't stop his moans. He felt himself growing hard through his pants. It felt so-

Andrew pulled back got off of Neil and the couch.

Neil pushed himself up, cheeks heated, panting hard, and looked at Andrew questioningly.

“The team is going to start wondering where we are.” To Neil's delight, Andrew didn't sound as disaffected as he was trying to. The opposite. He sounded breathless.

If that was the game Andrew was trying to play, he had picked the wrong one. Neil was practically a world champion, he knew how to beat an amateur.

“All right.” Neil said, grinning. He stood and smoothed down his suit, re-doing his tie. He ran a hand through his hair, making sure it wasn't too messed up in the green room mirror. “Let's go find them, yeah?”

Andrew looked… ruffled to say the least, but he too began to fix up his appearance. “Fine.”

Neil grinned and began to walk out, not waiting for him. “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if we kissed... on Kathy Ferdinand's green room couch???


	7. That is just so typically me

Neil bounced the ball on the floor to hit the spot on the wall he had been hitting for the past ten minutes. He had gotten it down to a science.  _ Breathe in, throw, breathe out, bounce, breathe in, wall, breathe out, catch.  _

_ Breathe in. _ Raven drills had been hell to find and hell to learn, but Neil had done it. He wasn't perfect, but he was getting better.

_ Breathe out _ . He was playing a position he wasn't used to, so he couldn't afford to slack off. As much as Riko Moriyama annoyed Neil, he was damn good at Exy.

_ Breathe in _ . Kevin was better. Kevin knew it, deep down, but Neil was going to have to work on getting him to admit it to himself.

_ Breathe out _ . Still. One good player couldn't hold up an entire team, so Neil had to help shoulder the weight, at least until the rest of the team got their feet under them. 

“Who taught you how to do Raven drills?” Kevin called incredulously from the far side of court.  Neil flinched and his throw went wide, he missed his target by half a foot.

Neil turned to Kevin, huffy, and put a hand on his hip. “Me.” 

“You?”

“The one and only.” Neil leaned down and picked up a ball from the bucket by his feet.

“Where did you find them?”

Neil shrugged. “Youtube.”

“You're kidding!”

“Shoo, Kevin it’s past your bedtime.” Neil said, annoyed. He served the ball.  _ Breathe in _ .

“I want to know why you're keeping me from returning to the nest.” Kevin demanded.  _ Breathe out _ .

“Don't tell me you want to go back.” Neil laughed.  _ Breathe in. _

“I don't.” Kevin confirmed.  “But why do you care?”

Neil caught the ball and tossed it down the court. “Kevin. May I be frank?”

Kevin nodded.

“I don't care about you, or the nest, or your stupid Exy drama. I'm keeping you alive because the Moriyamas are paying me a pretty penny to do it, and the moment my debt is up? You're on your own. So if I were you, I would stop worrying about why the person who's protecting me does what he does, and start worrying about what you're going to do the day that happens. Clear?”

Kevin gulped. “Crystal.”

There was a heavy silence in which Kevin mulled over the weight of Neil's words and Neil watched the ball that he had bounced off the wall roll down the court. A foot stopped it. Andrew. He was smiling, but not the too-wide smile he had when he was drugged up, a real, amused smile. Seemingly, had heard everything. He sent Neil a little wave. Neil fluttered his fingers back.

“Your form is off.” Kevin said, interrupting the moment. Neil turned to look at him. Kevin pointed. “You'll be able to aim better if you pivot your foot.”

Neil adjusted his stance and shot the ball. hitHe didn’t like it. “I like it better the other way.”

“Well, you’ll just have to learn how to like it this way.” Kevin sneered.

Neil snorted. “No. I don’t think I will. I’m done practicing now, you made it stop being fun.” Neil strode off court to the exit where Andrew was. “Hey babe.”

Andrew giggled, eyes wide (surprise maybe? Shock?), and mimicked Neil’s tone back at him. “Hey,  _ babe _ .” 

“How often does Kevin come by for evening practices?” Neil asked. “That can’t be good for anyone’s sleep schedule. His or yours.”

“What sleep schedule?” Andrew drawled.

“Right.” Neil muttered. “So we’re weaning him off of these, right? We can't let him keep running himself ragged.”

“He's been running himself ragged a long time. He's not going to stop because we ask him to.”

Neil raised an eyebrow. “Who said anything about asking?”

Andrew cocked his head.

* * *

 

“Let me go!” Kevin called from atop Neil's shoulder. 

“Why did you make me take the bottom half again?” Andrew asked, avoiding Kevin's kicking legs.

“It's the more attractive one!” Neil protested. “I thought you'd have jumped at the chance.”

“Is that how you think attraction works?” Andrew grunted as Kevin twisted out of his grip for a second.

Neil shrugged. “Isn't it?”

“Let! Me! Go!” Kevin yelled.

They did. Into Neil's backseat. 

Andrew slammed the door. “The trunk would have been better.”

“So he can punch out the tail light and wave to passersby? Have you learned nothing from John Mulaney? Street smarts!” Neil scoffed.

“How isn't he getting out?”

Neil snorted. “The back doors are childlocked.”

Andrew laughed. “Okay, so then what now?”

Neil shrugged. “Gelato?”

Andrew let out a wild laugh “What? No, that's my place, I don't want  _ him _ knowing where it is. Something else.”

“Well…” Neil checked the time on his phone.

“What?”

Neil shrugged. “I was going to pick up an odd job later tonight. It's a long drive. Do you want to come?”

Andrew looked at Kevin, who had continued to pound on the glass of the side window. “What are we going to do with him?”

“We'll take him along, it'll be fun.” Neil suggested.

Andrew sighed and smiled, but he wasn't happy. 

“Or we could move him to your car and you two could head back to the dorm?” Neil suggested instead. Andrew seemed confused that Neil could read him so easily, but nodded.

The pulled a kicking and screaming Kevin from Neil's car and shoved him into Andrew's.

“See you later, alligator.” Andrew deadpanned.

“Night, sweetheart.”

“ _ Sweetheart _ .” Andrew mocked.

Neil laughed. “Do you not like the pet names? I was trying something. I can stop.”

“Well I'm not anyone's pet so jot that down.” Andrew said. Then he pulled a knife from and armband. Flipped it around cautiously. Neil enjoyed watching how deftly Andrew handled the knife. “But I don't mind.” 

“Goodnight Andrew.” Neil smiled. 

Andrew made sure Kevin wasn't looking. (He wasn't. Kevin had taken to lying facedown on the backseat, waiting to be taken home) and leaned in, but something about his face cued Neil to lean back.

Andrew was confused, but leaned away as well.

Neil smiled, felt his face softening. “You don't have to kiss me if you don't want to.”

Andrew paused, unreadable. “Why do you think I'm kissing you?” A test.

“I think you're kissing me because you feel like you have to.” Neil explained. “And you don't. If you don't want to.”

“And if I do?”

“You still don't  _ have _ to.” Neil stressed.

“Okay.” Andrew tilted his head. Not confusion, contemplation. “Do you? Want to?”

“Always.”

Andrew scoffed “It can't be always.”

“And yet…” Neil trailed off. 

Andrew opened and closed his mouth a few times. A few giggles escaped his lips, high and nervous. “Shut up. I'm leaving now.”

“Bye.” Neil smiled warmly and walked to his own car.

He opened the glove compartment and found the small GPS. His target was still where he thought she was.

"All right." he muttered to himself. "Let's go and run an errand."

* * *

 

3 hours later.

_________

_ She-erry! Sherry, baby!  _ The voice blared high and ready from the diner jukebox.  _ She-erry! Sherry, baby! _

Neil panted hard behind the counter, trying to keep his breaths even and quiet. The stab wound was deep but the blood was slow to leave him, which meant he had time. His cheek was throbbing from here he had been elbowed. It was going to bruise, he noted with displeasure.

Something red in his peripheral vision. A first aid kit.

“ _ She-e-e-e-erry, ba-a-by _ !” Lola Malcolm sang along mockingly. She was sitting in the booth waiting for Neil to reveal his location. “ _ She-erry, can you come out tonight _ ?” she cackled. “ _ Why don't you come out _ ?”

Neil army crawled slowly over to the kit. 

_ To my twist party _

Neil opened it and found some gauze and a bandage. It would have to do.

“ _ Come out _ .”

He began to bandage himself quickly and efficiently.

_ Where the bright moon shines. _

He tied off the bandage.

_ Come out. _

Lola had stopped singing along.

_ We'll dance the night away _ .

A blade came whizzing by, an inch from Neil's nose.

_ I'm gonna make you mi-i-i-ine _

Neil threw the first aid kit at her, scooped up some plates and kept throwing them at her, as he scrambled to put some distance between them. He recovered his footing and Lola's thrown knife from the floor near the wall.

_ Sherry! Sherry Baby! _

Neil ran out of plates, he took a look at the knife. 

_ She-e-e-e-erry, ba-a-by! _

Neil considered all of his options and chose the riskiest one.

_ She-erry, can you come out tonight? _

He threw the knife.

* * *

 

"My lord." Neil said into the phone in Japanese "it is done."

"Are you certain that Lola Malcolm was the last of your father's inner circle?" Kengo sounded nothing like his sons, though Neil attributed it more to age and sickness than to lack of resemblance. His voice carried notes of the boys, Riko's smoldering fire, Ichirou's elegant, clipped consonants. 

"Yes." Neil didn't elaborate. 

"Good. Your payment will be put towards your debt." The other line hung up.

Neil stared at the phone's black screen for five seconds before pocketing it and walking into the gas station shop. 

Being covered in blood, he garnered some attention from the single cashier.

"Crazy nosebleed a few miles back." Neil explained. "I didn't have any tissues."

The cashier accepted his explanation and pointed him towards the bathroom.

Neil smiled gratefully, flashing just enough teeth to be charming. The cashier looked a little less suspicious. He picked off a  _ South Carolina: THE PALMETTO STATE! _ shirt off a rack, a mini and asked "how much?"

"Twenty."

Neil nodded "Thanks." and forked over the bills. "I'm going to go clean up."

He peeled off his shirt and took a look at his bandages. They had held up. Looks like most of this blood wasn't his. He unwrapped them and surveyed the wound. Not as deep as he had thought. It seemed being on the run had softened Lola's skills no stitches required. He poured the mini mouthwash on the wound to disinfect it and held in his hiss as the alcohol burned.

He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled, just to try out smiling in a world where his father's shadow no longer loomed over him. 

It felt good.


	8. That is just so typically me.

The scrimmage was going, well, Neil didn't want to say good. The team was a mess.

Every player was good individually, but no one could seem to play off each other. Kevin and Seth were at each other’s throats the whole time, Andrew and Aaron didn’t seem to care about the game. Dan was trying to hold everyone together, and it was working, to an extent, but there was only so much tape and glue you could put on something that didn’t want to be fixed.

Neil wove around Matt and fired on the goal. Andrew blocked it. Again. Neil let out a cry of frustration. Matt clapped a hand in his shoulder. "You'll get it next time."

Neil looked at Andrew as Matt walked away. Andrew's face was unreadable under his helmet. Neil caught a flash of teeth.  Neil didn’t understand how Andrew could approach the game with such apathy and still be the best goalie Neil had ever played against.

“All right, everyone take five.” Wymack said. 

Neil shrugged and moved to his water bottle. He looked back at the court. The team was split, literally, between Renee and Andrew’s sides of the court. Neil saw gazes keep flicking to and away from him. They wanted him to choose.

Neil refused. He wasn't going to be dragged into a turf war again, no matter how subliminal  it was. He was going to have to do something to make this team a team again. He sat in the corner and drank his water and waited for the game to start up again.

When it did, Neil was ready.

Dan had the ball, ran five of her ten paces, fired to Seth. Nicky tried to stay on him, but, as much as Neil hated to admit it, Seth was a pretty good player. If Seth had fired it to Kevin, Neil might have been worried, but Seth was a notorious ball hog, he ran his full ten paces and tried to fire on Renee, until Allison stick checked him and caught the ball in her own net. She fired to Neil and Neil was there to catch it. Matt was on him in a second. Neil tried to move around him.

As Neil dodged to the side, Matt hip checked him. As Matt's chest was approximately Neil’s stab-wound height, Neil collapsed.

All the air in his chest immediately left it, and all he could see was white-hot light. His chest stung. He was coughing, trying to pull in something, anything that would make the pain stop. When he finally came to, the team was huddled around him, someone had pulled off his heavy gear and pulled up his shirt to expose the bandages on his chest. His head felt strange and light.

Andrew was the closest one to him, helmet off, kneeling over Neil’s head so that Neil saw his face upside down. He laughing hysterically, like he had seen the funniest thing in the world. Neil, half unaware of his own movements, reached up and touched Andrew’s cheek. Andrew stilled, his face went blank.

“You never told me you had golden eyes.” Neil accused before the world went black.

* * *

 

Neil woke up  on an infirmary bed. Someone was talking. He kept his eyes closed and listened in.

“He wasn’t injured when he had his physical, this has to have happened after.” Abby was muttering.

“Okay, so who here knows why one of my kids is lying in the infirmary with a stab wound?” Wymack’s voice came, gruff and worried. 

Silence.

“He was fine.” Kevin said. “He was up and playing an hour ago!”

“And now he’s lying on a table with a fucking  _ stab wound _ , so we all know what’s not true!” Dan hissed.

“His bandaging was perfect.” Aaron muttered quietly. The arguing stopped. “He’s done this before.”

That quieted the room.

“How. Did. This. Happen.” Coach  growled.

Allison, angry. “Please, coach, we all know who did this. We all saw the monster laughing, and he hasn’t said anything since Neil passed out.”

That set Andrew off cackling.

No one said anything. Neil sat up. “Andrew didn’t do anything.”

“Neil!” Matt was by his side immediately. “I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“You didn’t do anything either.” Neil said. “It’s my own fault for getting stabbed.”

“And how did that happen?” Coach Wymack asked.

Neil looked away, bitter. “It’s not going to happen again.”

“The Moriyamas did this?”

Neil shook his head. “They didn’t do anything, this was someone else, this was one of my father’s people. The last of my father’s people. And she’s not coming back.”

“How do you know?” Nicky asked. Neil levelled him with a look. “Oh.”

“Who was it?” Renee asked in the corner.

Neil turned to look her in the eye. “Lola.”

Renee nodded. “Okay then.” she looked around, shrugged back into the good Christian girl she was most of the time. “I think we’d all better leave Neil to recover.”

* * *

Andrew walked Neil into his room. Seth and Matt were gone, gossips, the both of them.

The car ride home had consisted mostly of Nicky speaking rapidly about whatever crossed his mind, and Aaron, halfheartedly attempting to join the conversation.

Andrew had followed Neil without a word. His mouth crooked, shaking with suppressed giggles.

Neil sat down on the bed. Andrew slammed the door shut and moved to face Neil.

“Did you kill her?”

Neil flinched. “Look, I-”

“Neil.” Andrew interrupted. Neil fell silent. “Did you kill her?”

There was no answer but the truth, not for Andrew. “Yes.”

“Lola Malcolm, who killed your mother?”

“Yes.” Neil said. He closed his eyes and waited for judgement.

Andrew’s voice came. “And this was the.. the odd job you asked me to help you with?”

Neil squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. “Yes.”

He waited for the blow, the blade, the accusation. Andrew had every right to be angry. It didn’t come. When Neil opened his eyes, Andrew was inches from him. Andrew’s hand was in the air, reaching for… something. It changed paths a few time, it meandered towards Neil’s face, drew back. It finally made its way to the edge of Neil’s shirt, tugged it up. 

Neil helped Andrew pull it the rest of the way off.

Andrew’s eyes lingered on the bandages. His hand, almost unconsciously, moved to touch it gently, his eyes flickered up, the question clear as day. 

“You can touch them, it won’t hurt, I’m on so much ibuprofen right now.” Neil assured him.

Andrew unbandaged the wound carefully, slowly, his eyes never moving up from Neil’s stomach. Neil in turn, watched Andrew’s face. The room was completely silent. Finally, Andrew reached the  wound, an ugly thing, brown and purple and red, but healing already, albeit slowly.

“See?” Neil tried. “It’ll just be another scar soon.”

“Shut,” Andrew’s voice came out, sudden and wretched. He took a deep breath and said, more evenly this time, “Shut up.” Andrew’s hands trailed over some of the other scars on Neil’s stomach softly. They traced the edges of the raised skin. Andrew leaned forward and brushed his lips to a bullet scar. Neil’s eyes fluttered shut again, he let his guard down and let Andrew kiss every place where someone had hurt him before.

“You know.” Neil murmured. “This is getting awfully close to feelings.”

Andrew pulled back and took Neil’s hand in his. “Make a deal with me.” 

Neil opened his eyes and smiled softly. “Like your deal with Kevin.”

“Yes.”

Neil shook his head no.

Andrew clasped Neil’s hands pleading. “I could protect you.”

“I can protect me.” Neil said.

Andrew gestured to Neil’s stomach. “It doesn’t look like that to me.”

“Everyone who has ever hurt me is dead.” Neil said. “I’d call that a net success.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed. “What if one of us hurts you?”

“Kevin, Aaron, or Nicky you mean.”

Andrew said nothing.

“I don’t think any of them could hurt me in a way that matters.”

Andrew looked Neil in the eye. “And me? Could I hurt you in a way that matters?”

Neil looked away. “We both know my answer. Would you?”

“You haven’t given me reason to.” Andrew said.

“Could I hurt you in a way that matters?” Neil asked

Andrew laughed. “We both know my answer.”

Neil said nothing.

“I think you’re right.” Andrew said. “I think we’re getting close to feelings.”

“So what now then?” Neil asked.

“I think… We stop.”

Neil laughed bitterly. “Sounds reasonable.” He looked back at Andrew, who was kneeling in front of him, between his legs, and leaned in.

Andrew’s hands found their way to either side of Neil’s face. He pulled Neil in for a kiss and there was an aching sense of finality to it. A goodbye.

Andrew pulled back first. Cleared his throat. Stood up. 

Neil pulled his bandages from where Andrew had deposited them on the bed. “See you at practice.”

Andrew said nothing as he left Neil alone, to bandage himself up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrew, walking back in after his dramatic exit: Aw, shit man, I left my phone in here.
> 
> I was on 24-hour Mitski lockdown while writing this chapter, can you tell?


	9. Oh baby, baby!

First item of business: Neil had to make friends.

Renee was the closest thing he had to one, but he didn't think Renee liked him that much. Too much history there. Renee had known his mother. Renee had known his father. Renee had every reason to hate Neil. He didn't want to exacerbate that without having a stronger foothold with the team.

Neil had Kevin on his side, that was for certain, but Kevin only got him half an in with anyone.

The next option of course, was Andrew. And… no. That wasn't really an option at all. Not while things were still sore. Not while Neil felt that ache in his chest whenever they looked at each other.

Nicky, and Aaron were too close to Andrew, Allison and Dan, too close to Renee. Seth was… Seth.

Which left Matt. Matt gave him an in with Dan, Dan to Allison. Allison to Seth and Renee. And besides, befriending Matt would give him something to do on Friday nights.

It was easy enough. Matt already felt guilty about hurting him. And it wasn't hard to make a few comments about how he was craving some ice cream and how fun movie nights looked before he got an invitation.

"We're watching the princess bride again, it'll be fun to have someone else to recite lines with."

Neil furrowed his brow, he hadn't seen it and said as much.

Matt gasped pretty overdramatically. "You haven't seen the princess bride?"

Neil shook his head.

"That settles it, you're coming." Matt said "no buts about it."

It almost felt too easy, but Neil smiled and accepted the invitation and plotted out his least threatening pajamas. 

When he walked into movie night, he brought hot cocoa mix. He made sure it was the kind with marshmallows.

Dan looked at the box in his hands as soon as he walked in, and grinned as she took in the very soft  _ partee gurl _ pajama set that Suki had given him as a gag gift. "All right."

He was invited to movie night from that night on.

* * *

 

Two weeks later

__________

The way to Allison's heart, apparently, was through her checkbook. 

Allison Reynolds liked to bet, and moreover, she liked to win. It only took Neil losing a few bets to her to call him a friend. Neil was sad to see the money go, but he didn't bet anything that he couldn't afford to lose. 

Besides, he found other ways to win his money back.

"I'm putting down fifty that Andrew and Renee are going to start dating soon." Matt said confidently.

Neil had to hold in his laugh. He coughed. "You're awfully confident." Allison caught his eye across the room.

"Define 'soon'." She said.

Matt shrugged. "I don't know, a month? Renee has been leaving for 'sparring practice' way more often lately. Either Minyard has a whole lot more free time, or they're getting closer."

Allison grinned. "I'll take that bet."

Neil nodded. "I'll double that."

"I'll put fifty down that they  _ are _ dating." Dan said.

"Me too." Said Seth. Not because he agreed with Dan and Matt, but because he felt like disagreeing with Allison. One of these days, Neil was going to explain to Seth that someone who didn't care, wouldn't bet at all.

Neil had forgotten how fun it was to have a mean friend. He found that it was easy to look good when he had a friend that let him know when he looked bad. Allison was honest to a fault. She said what she meant, whether or not Neil liked it, so in a week or two when she asked:

"So, what's the deal with you and Minyard?"

It wasn't a surprise.

Neil, of course, lied. "What deal?" Still, Allison wasn't stupid. She pressed on.

"You doubled my bet. You and Andrew were thick as thieves for a hot second. Don't think I've forgotten about the 'golden eyes' thing." Allison leaned back onto her bed and closed her eyes. "There's something going on between you two and I'm going to figure it out whether you tell me or not." It was true. Everything Allison said was true.

Neil sat next to her on the bed and gave her a partial truth in return. "I liked him, for a while. After the whole fainting thing he walked me to my room and told me very clearly that seeing me…" the next words hurt on their way out "wasn't an option."

Allison, surprisingly, softened. "Oh baby, I'm sorry." She sat up and looped a comforting arm around his waist. "Even if you do have terrible taste in men." 

Neil chuckled.

"So we finally know which way you swing." Allison asked

"Is this for a bet?"

Allison rested her head on Neil's shoulder, her hair smelled like roses and fruit. "Perhaps."

"Well then, for the sake of clarity, it's less a swing and more a… gated merry go round."

"Gated?"

Neil grinned. "No one gets on unless I want them there." 

"Even worse taste in men than I thought then." Allison said from Neil's shoulder.

"I don't mean to be rude," Neil said. "But look who's talking."

"Seth has his good qualities." Allison defended.

"He's good in bed?"

"He's  _ very _ good in bed."

They laughed.

The room was quiet for a moment before Allison stood and rifled through her closet. "You know, it might not be your fault that Andrew won't date you. From what I've heard, he made this stupid deal with his brother in high school. Neither of them are supposed to date anyone until they graduate. Not that that stopped Aaron. You'll meet his girlfriend Katelyn sooner or later, she's one of the vixens. But maybe Andrew said no because of his weird virginity pact thing."

That was news to Neil. Why would Andrew kiss him if he had promised Aaron not to date anyone. He mused out loud "I don't think that's what it is. Andrew probably promised Aaron protection."

Allison turned to raise an eyebrow at Neil. "Got a little monster in you, huh?"

"Andrew's not a monster." Neil defended. "An asshole, maybe, but not a monster."

"Sure. And I'm not a bitch." Allison laughed.

Neil frowned. "You're  _ not _ a bitch." He said emphatically.

Allison stood up still, surprised. She went back to rifling through her closet. "Thanks, Neil." She pulled out a dark blue evening dress. "For the banquet."

Neil  _ oohed _ appreciatively. Allison basked in the attention. 

Allison grinned. "Obviously, I'm going to have to make adjustments, it's way too generic, but it's in a month, I've got time. Want to hear my plan?"

Neil nodded.

"Well first I'm going to…"

////////////

Neil "ran into" Andrew on the roof. Really, he had looked mostly everywhere in a half-crazed panic. 

"You kissed me, you know. I didn't instigate that,  _ you _ kissed  _ me _ ."

Andrew turned around slowly. 

Neil didn't stop. "You didn't tell me! Nobody told me about the deal you and Aaron had! I mean, why would you? It's none of my business, but I don't know, it would have been nice of you to let me know about it before you  _ kissed _ me."

"Neil." 

Neil fell silent. 

Andrew waited for a response before continuing. "Nothing we did violated my deal with Aaron."

"But I thought-"

"Nothing we did violated my deal with Aaron because none of it mattered. We didn't  _ feel _ anything, it didn't mean anything." Andrew reiterated. The words hit hard. Harder than they were supposed to. Neil felt like someone had punched him in the stomach.

"Oh." Neil said. "Right. Didn't matter."

Andrew was smoking and Neil felt himself gravitating towards the familiar smell, but stopped. Neil didn't mention that Andrew was off his meds.

They looked at each other for a moment and Neil realized that something had changed. 

Ever since Neil had met Andrew, with a knife to his back, they had always understood something fundamental about each other. Something that couldn't be put into words. Something insubstantial, really, because the part of Neil that Andrew understood was a part that no one else had ever really picked up on. But Andrew had. And in return, Neil had understood a similar part of Andrew. Even if they didn't feel anything, they still  _ got  _ each other, and Neil had thought that it mattered.

That was gone now. Any understanding that Neil had seen in Andrew's eyes was gone, and suddenly the man in front of Neil was alien to him. A familiar stranger. And any attempt to remember the part of Andrew that he had lost was met with the idea that maybe he had never understood Andrew at all. 

Maybe that was for the best though. Apparently understanding each other  _ didn't mean anything _ .

"Sorry." Neil said, before leaving the roof.

* * *

 

One week later

_________

Nicky Hemmick, Neil found, was hilarious in two languages. Aaron and Andrew were too restrained to laugh at his jokes in English, and too slow to catch his quips in German.

Neil was neither.

Nicky found out that Neil knew German on his first practice back.

" _ Hey, Neil's back _ ," Nicky observed " _ a wholehearted welcome back to the best ass on this side of the Atlantic ocean _ ."

Neil snorted, and before remembering that he wasn't supposed to understand German " _ I don't know about the best _ ," he replied. " _ You're selling Kevin short _ ."

"What?" Kevin asked at his name. They had the attention of the locker room.

Nicky coughed.

Kevin looked around. "What did Neil say?"

Neil stood and grabbed his racquet. Might as well use it to bring the team together. If Neil explained it to them it was an inside joke. If Nicky explained it, it was a team joke. "Nicky, why don't you tell them? I'm going to get a head start on laps."

Neil didn't know if his tactic had worked until, when switching positions on court, Dan slapped Kevin's ass. His surprised yelp echoed off the court walls.

"I don't know Nicky." She called. "Neil might be right."

There was a few moments of silence as the Foxes waited to see how it would pan out. Andrew was moving with his racquet, hand moving to his armbands.

And then Kevin started laughing. It started off as a small laugh, and grew into a deep, full bodied guffaw. "I don't have that good an ass!"

Matt laughed too. Allison snorted and Seth evidently thought it was hilarious. Dan crossed her arms, satisfied. Aaron facepalmed but he couldn't tamp down his exasperated grin.

Nicky was looking on all the chaos and beaming. He winked at Neil conspiratorially as I'd it had all been his idea, and Neil let him think it was.

Neil couldn't make himself look at Andrew.

"All right, all right, compare asses on your own time!" Coach called, but even he couldn't stop his smirk.

Neil grinned and got back to work.

And if the team was under the (wrong) impression that Kevin had a better ass than him?

Well, Neil was prepared to make sacrifices for the greater good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain tells me that since Kevin cares more about his physical fitness than Neil, he has the better ass, my heart tells me that Neil's dummy thicc. (The clap of his ass cheeks keeps alerting people that he speaks German)
> 
> Writing soundtrack this week: Money Won't Pay by Bo En, ft. Augustus.


	10. Oops! I did it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is early because the next one will, unfortunately, be late :(

Everything was on an up. Seth and Allison were in the "on" portion of their relationship, Nicky was in a good mood after winning a bet, and Neil had managed to almost ignore the feeling his stomach every time someone mentioned Andrew.

The banquet was coming up soon and Allison had made Neil a tuxedo.  _ It was for class _ , she had said, not looking Neil in the eye,  _ and I know you don't have the fashion sense to get a decent one for the banquet _ . What she had not said, was that she knew Neil couldn't afford a good suit. The gesture was small, but it meant more than Neil could ever tell her.

The suit jacket and pants were a rich burgundy color, they were lined with a soft, shiny, dark gold colored fabric. Allison had managed to keep the colors without making Neil look like a hotel concierge. Neil loved them.

Neil thought that that meant he was ready. Apparently, he was wrong.

"You can't go to the dance alone, Neil!" Dan said while Renee's crew was walking to practice. "You're not allowed to. Captain's orders. I'll ask some of the vixens if they'd be open."

"I'd go with you," Renee said apologetically. "But I already told Andrew I'd go with him." The pause in Renee's voice when she said Andrew was barely there, but Neil caught it. She knew. She and Andrew must have been closer than Neil thought they were.

Matt's eyes lit up at Renee's statement and Allison rolled her eyes. "There are some guys in my Psych 101 class that might go with you."

Seth looped his arm around Allison's waist. "Wait, why would Neil want to go with a guy?"

Neil rolled his eyes and deadpanned "Maybe it's because I like men, Seth."

Seth did the mental math for a few seconds. "Wait, you're a f-" Neil held up a warning finger and Seth finished quickly "-homosexual?" He was getting better about that. He was still an asshole but he was trying harder to not be a homophobic one.

Dan snorted. "Nice save, Seth."

Neil rolled his eyes. "I'm demisexual."

Seth frowned in confusion. Allison held her hand out and Matt and Renee handed her a ten.

"Google it Seth." Neil turned and started walking backwards to face the rest of the Foxes. "It's fine. Thank you, but no thank you. I'll find somebody on my own."

Somebody showed up only thirty minutes later. 

"Come on, Kevin, you still haven't found a date yet?"

Kevin rolled his eyes. "No. It's fine. I'll just go alone."

"Aaron's going with Katelyn, I'm going with a guy from one of my classes, even Andrew's going with Renee." Nicky pressed.

"Leave me alone, Nicky."

Neil pricked up and looked over at Allison with a smile. Allison noticed and groaned. "Oh, Neil, don't, not him."

It was too late, Neil was already racing outside. He found a bush of flowers, picked a few and ran back in.

"Matt, record this." Dan whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

Neil tapped away on his phone and then set it down on his locker.

_ I wanna know what love is! _ It blared through the locker room.

"Oh my god." Renee laughed into Allison's shoulder.

_ I want you to sho-ow meeee! _

"Kevin Day!" Neil yelled. He got down on one knee and held the picked flowers to Kevin.

Kevin's face was bright red and hidden in his hands "Oh my god." He said, voice muffled.

"Will you make me the happiest guy in the world and do me the honor of going to the banquet with me?" Neil said, presenting Kevin with the flowers and shaking them a little bit.

Kevin snatched the flowers. "Oh my god fine just turn the music off please."

The team applauded, even Seth gave a few halfhearted claps.

Neil smiled. "You've got it!" He bounded over to his locker and looked at Dan. "Captain, satisfied?"

Dan snorted "Oh yeah. I'm showing this tape at your wedding."

Neil elected to ignore that he would be long gone from the foxes before he got married.

Dan clapped her hands loudly. "All right, as sweet as that was, we do actually have to get to practice."

Neil ignored Andrew's eyes boring into the back of his skull. He had made his choice. No going back now.

///////////

Neil got a call in the middle of the night from Kevin. He was already awake, doing translations. He bolted up out of his bed. "What is it?"

"Neil."

"Aaron?"

"You'd better come over, something's wrong."

Something was apparently the dead fox lying at their doorstep. It's coat was matted, it had been starving before it died, but the cause of death was clear. Its neck was mangled and twisted. Its head twisted at an unnatural angle. Neil felt sorry for it.

Andrew was there, looking at it. He was smoking a cigarette. His eyes were heavy with disturbed sleep. His hair was ruffled. He looked nice, Neil allowed himself to think, before banishing all thoughts of how Andrew looked. There were more important things at hand. He tilted his head, gesturing for Neil to head inside. 

Neil saw Kevin on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, holding a card. Black, white, and red all over. Edgar Allen stationery. Neil strode up and ripped the card out of Kevin's hands.

_ Will you go to the banquet with me? _ The card mocked in an elegant looping hand. There was a phone number under it.  _ In case you forgot _ .

Kevin was holding a phone with the same phone number punched in, his thumb hovering over the call button.

"It's from Riko?" Neil asked. Kevin nodded. "I hope you aren't ditching our date."

Kevin looked up in bewilderment.

"I thought not." Neil nodded. "Well, call him, you've got to turn him down. It would be rude to leave him waiting. Put it on speaker."

Kevin looked up, questioning. Neil nodded reassuringly. 

"Tell him you're going with me, that way it won't be you he's mad at."

Kevin pressed call, and then speaker. The phone rang once.

Twice. 

Th-

"Kevin!" Riko's voice called, booming through the speaker. "Come to your senses have you? I'll pick you up at-"

"What?" Kevin said "no." He looked up at Neil, questioning. Neil grabbed his other hand, giving the support that Kevin needed. "I'm calling to say no."

There was a pause. 

"What?"

Kevin took a deep breath. Then another. Then another. "No. I'm not going to the banquet with you." Kevin paused for a moment, then squeezed Neil's hand and added. "I don't want to."

Harsher, angrier. " _ What _ ?"

Kevin squeezed his eyes shut but he kept his voice even "Besides. I already have a date."

" _ Who _ ?"

Neil watched as Kevin hammered the coffin shut. 

"Neil."

There was a crash from the other line. Then a shout "WH-" Neil reached forward, took the phone from Kevin's hand and hung up.

"Good job." Neil said, tossing the phone away. Kevin was shaking. Neil placed his other hand hand on Kevin's knee. "Hey." Kevin shook his head. "Hey, look at me." Kevin did. "You did good."

Kevin whispered. "He's going to kill me."

"Not if I kill him first." Andrew, somewhere behind them.

"Or me." Neil agreed.

"Y-your careers-" Kevin started.

Neil leaned back. "I don't give a good goddamn about my exy career. My job is to protect you."

Kevin looked up surprised. It dawned on Neil that Kevin hadn't thought that he was serious about protecting him.

"I- I don't-" Kevin stuttered. Neil waited for him to gather himself. "I don't want to go back. I want to stay here. With the team."

"Then that's where we're going to keep you. Right Andrew?"

Andrew sighed somewhere behind them, but Neil didn't turn, he kept his eyes fixed on Kevin. He wondered if Andrew was doing the same. "Yes." came the gravelly voice. It was rough with sleep and smoke, but sincere.

Kevin tried to stand. "I need a drink."

Neil pushed him gently backwards and frowned. "Drink tomorrow. You need to rest."

Kevin paused and for a moment, Neil was afraid that he would try to fight it. Neil couldn't handle a fight right now. But Kevin nodded.

"Okay." And he stood to go back to bed.

Neil watched him go, sat on the couch and took a moment. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to get it out of his face. It fell back in his eyes. Neil tried again, and again, and again, and again, and ag-

Andrew's hands caught his wrists. 

Neil looked up at him. He didn't know what Andrew saw in his face, but he saw a flash of recognition in Andrew's. Neil averted his eyes.

Andrew caught on. "He's going to come after you now, right?"

Neil looked at Andrew's hands on his wrist, he traced the fingers with his eyes. "Yes. And if I don't act carefully, he'll kill me."

"Do you have a death wish?"

Neil shrugged. "Why not. I've got nothing else."

"Eager to be a martyr?" Andrew spat

"I wouldn't be a martyr if I'm not dying for a cause." Neil muttered. Andrew's fingers found Neil's chin and jerked his face up. Forcing Neil to meet his eyes.

"What would you be then?" Andrew asked. His voice was impossibly soft.

Neil shrugged. "Dead." Neil flicked his eyes down to the floor. "Do you have a spare towel? We need to get rid of the carcass."

Andrew let him go and walked into the hallway. He returned holding a baby blue blanket, patterned with ducks. "Are you driving or am I?" 

If Neil was driving, he wasn't focusing on Andrew. "I am."

//////////

Neil knew where to hide a body, a fact, which Andrew was trying very hard to not be impressed by. He kept looking at Neil when he thought Neil wasn't paying attention. Or maybe he was just shocked or disgusted, Neil was trying not to care.

The fox was wrapped in Andrew's blanket in the backseat, being held in place by two shovels.

Neil pulled over to the side of the road. He pulled out a shovel from the back seat and jumped over the railing on the side of the road to dig the grave.

The night was brisk, Neil felt awake. He could see a few stars when he was this far away from Palmetto. He dug his shovel into the ground and started digging. Andrew joined him a few moments later, carrying the second shovel. They worked in silence. After a while, the work got tedious.

"What do you do when you're trying to make something go by faster?" Neil asked.

Andrew looked up abruptly and Neil got the sense that he had tread on some unknown forbidden ground. Still, a few moments later, Andrew spoke. "Act one. Scene one. A desert place. Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches. First witch:" Andrew pitched his voice high and quivering, a mockery of Renee. "When shall we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, or in rain?" His normal tone "Second witch:" Andrew pitched his voice low and conspiratorial. Dan's voice. "when the hurly-burly's done. When the battle's lost and won."

This went on for some time until Neil heard some recognizable lines and realized that Andrew was reciting  _ Macbeth _ from memory.

The grave was dug by the end of scene five. Andrew's Macbeth was Kevin. His Banquo held Matt's deep vowels. Neil's own voice echoed out in Lady Macbeth, albeit pitched higher. It struck Neil that Andrew paid a lot more attention to the team than he had first thought.

Andrew stopped talking once he realized the grave was deep enough. He stood and cast his shovel to the side. Neil watched him for a moment, silhouetted by the moonlight. He looked away.

Neil moved to the car and gingerly picked up the fox. He stepped over the railing and walked over to the makeshift grave and laid the fox in. With the blanket covering it, it almost looked like it was asleep. 

Andrew picked his shovel up and there was so little fanfare that Neil felt the overwhelming urge to pay his respects. "Wait."

Andrew paused and Neil struggled to find the words to say what he had to.

"Shouldn't we... say a few words?"

Andrew stood and waited.

Neil realized all at once that he didn't have anything to say. He cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Here lies… um... Megan Fox. She died for nothing, but I hope she didn't die hungry. Godspeed Megan. You were the best of us, and I'm sorry this happened to you." Neil looked up at Andrew, who was looking back at Neil with a complicated sort of expression, and nodded. "Okay." He picked up his own shovel. 

Filling graves was easier than digging them, but with every shovelful of dirt, Neil got angrier that something had died without reason. Neil threw his shovel down with a shout of frustration. Andrew looked up at him with tired eyes. Neil's voice was ragged when it came out. "Let's go home."

Andrew slammed his car door shut. "Drive quick. I have to take my meds when I get home."

Neil drove them home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Denial is telling yourself you're over somebody and constantly checking if they're looking at you.


	11. I played with your heart

Ichirou had not taken well to the news that Riko was stirring up trouble. "I'm going to kill him."

"We knew this was going to happen." Neil said.

"Yeah, but it doesn't mean that it isn't annoying when it happens," Ichirou whined. "This is going to be a problem. The delivery and the fox must have taken money, there's a paper trail somewhere. I'm giving you access to his spending information."

Neil hummed in confirmation. "I'm going to be seeing Moreau at the banquet, has Marion's status changed in any way?"

"Last I checked she was doing well in school. I saw her grades. She's good at math"

"Any way that we can set up a phone call? I mean, Moreau's got to have something to look forward to."

Ichirou sighed "I'm working on it, unfortunately, my uncle's got a stranglehold on the Ravens' time. Moreau is always either practicing, eating, sleeping, or studying,"

Neil wrinkled his nose. The ravens were so boring. "We could schedule something during the banquet."

"Can you get him away from Riko for long enough?"

"I can try."

Ichirou hummed in confirmation. "I'll see what I can do. How are you doing?"

"Well, you're not going to believe what Matt said about.."

* * *

 

It was hard to describe the hour before the foxes left for the banquet as anything except war preparation.

Seth and Matt had both gotten their hair cut for the occasion, but Neil was wary of anyone else touching his hair. The last person to cut his hair besides himself, had been his mother. Neil's hair was getting long though. Long enough that he could barely pull it back into a ponytail.

He walked out of the bathroom and Matt had already left to meet Dan, but Seth was still tying his tie. He took one look at Neil and said "No. Nope." He pointed to a chair. "Sit your ass down."

Neil frowned, confused, but obliged. 

Seth was out of the room and shouted something down the hallway to Allison.

Seth moved behind him and Neil couldn't see what Seth had gotten. All of a sudden there were gentle fingers in his hair, removing the hair tie and pressing the straightener into his hair. Neil didn't have time to protest. The straightening was quick, and Neil was surprised to see both that none of his hair had been burnt off, and that it was down to just above his shoulders now. 

"I am not going to sit in the same room as Riko fucking Moriyama and have your hair looking wack as all hell." Seth said pulling a tin of pomade from his bag, scooping up two fingerfulls, and beginning to massage it into Neil's hair.

"Its not that bad." Neil frowned

"It was a frizzy cloud with a ponytail hanging off of it."

Neil didn't know how to explain that this was the first formal event he had been to.

Neil had expected Seth to be rough, like his mother had been on those long nights of hair dye and fear, but Seth's fingers were quick, deft.

"I didn't know you knew how to do hair."

"If anyone asks you, I don't." Seth harrumphed. "My sisters have great hair. Like, really fucking great hair, remind me later to show you a picture, and in  when I was in high school… well, I had time, and my parents sure as hell weren't gonna do it, so I made sure that they never went to school looking like they just rolled out of bed. I got pretty good at it, I learned how to do braids and shit. And after I taught my sisters to fight? No bullies. Go figure. I do Allison's hair sometimes. When she asks."

"Huh." Neil said.

"You're all good, dude." Seth said, he pulled out his phone and clicking a photo of the back of his head. He showed Neil a photo, and it was hard to see through the cracked screen, but Seth had woven a braid into his half of  hair, the other half hung loose around his neck. It looked… nice. Neil didn't know what to say. "I would have cut it if we'd had time, but your hair was long enough so I just…" Seth vaguely gestured.

Neil looked up at Seth. No one had ever done his hair before.

Seth crossed his arms "What, asshole? If you hate it just take it out."

Neil was hugging Seth before he knew what he was doing. "Thank you."

Seth cleared his throat. "Yeah, whatever dude," then awkwardly placed his hands on Neil's shoulders. "If you ever try and pull that shit again I'm gonna kick your ass. It's fucking embarrassing."

Neil let him go. "You sure know how to ruin a moment, Seth."

Seth shrugged. "It's a gift. Now get out of here."

Neil smiled and walked out.

He walked to Kevin's dorm and knocked on the door. Kevin was the one to open the door.

"Oh good. You're here." Kevin said. "Tell Nicky to let me have some vodka."

Neil frowned "No."

Kevin rolled his eyes and then looked Neil up and down. "You look good."

Neil grinned "you don't clean up too bad yourself."

* * *

 

 The bus ride to the banquet hall was loud. The foxes were boisterous and excited to see their friends on the other teams. 

Neil had taken to trying to cheer Kevin up before they had to see Riko, and the foxes had followed suit. Dan played some music she knew Kevin liked on the speakers, Matt kept complimenting Kevin's sleek black suit. None of these techniques seemed to work.

Allison pulled Kevin to the side and wordlessly applied some makeup onto his face. Kevin came out of the experience looking a little happier, a little more polished, and infuriatingly handsome. 

"You know, if you're gonna keep having great bone structure then you can just sit somewhere else." Neil said, crossing his arms.

Kevin laughed "Jealous?"

Neil grinned. "Whatever, I've got nicer teeth."

Kevin scoffed. "Yes, yes you have a nice smile, whatever. My eyes? Gorgeous."

"Nicky, which one of us is prettier?" Neil called to the seats at the back of the bus.

"I've had nightmares that started like this." Dan warned.

"Neil." Nicky judged. 

Neil whooped while Kevin made a sound like a wounded animal. "But I'm on that list thing! With Erik!"

"Well yeah, you're hotter," Nicky said. "But Neil is prettier."

Aaron scoffed. "The fuck kind of sense does that make? You just don't want to pick sides."

"No, there's a difference!" Nicky assured. "It's like… fuck. I can't describe it."

"Whatever." Aaron said "Team Kevin."

Kevin nodded in approval. 

"Aaron is biased, he sees you more often." Neil said petulantly. 

"He sees me the same amount as Nicky!"

"Dan?"

"Do not drag me into this." Dan said.

"Yeah, drag me into it." Allison "Team Neil, you guys are wack. Babe?"

Seth scowled. "Team Kevin."

"I can't believe I'm dating a man with almost no taste." 

"Almost?"

Allison shrugged. "You're dating me. That saves you a little bit."

"Matt, Renee?"

"Team Kevin." Renee said, smiling serenely.

Neil whined. "Et tu, Renee?" 

She only shrugged.

"Team Neil." Was Matt's stubborn answer.

Kevin said "That's three for me, and three wrong people. We need a tie breaker."

"Dan?" Allison asked. "Last chance to change your mind."

"Uh-uh." Said Dan. "I'm being Switzerland."

That left one.

Andrew was sitting by Renee and looking very much like he would rather be literally anywhere else. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Team Neil." He muttered quickly.

Neil threw his hands up in victory.

"Recount!" Kevin demanded. "This is bullshit!"

Neil grinned "Sore loser."

"This is not over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I know the end notes are where I put the funnies but I'm gonna be serious for a second, I'll put a joke at the end or something.
> 
> This hasn't happened much, but I do feel like it's something that I have to address because it genuinely makes me feel bad and it's one of the reasons why this update was so late. I appreciate that people are getting so passionate about this story, but there is no reason to harass me because it's not going the way that you want it to. And I will not take death threats lying down, I'm shutting it down now. I've deleted the comments and I won't name any names or quote anything, because I don't want to dredge anything up and also the contents of the comments were, frankly, disgusting.
> 
> Firstly, I understand that I have grammar and spelling errors, I do, and I'm sorry that it takes away some of your enjoyment of the story, but understand that I am not writing it for you. This is an unbeta-ed fic that I am writing for fun, editing brings me no joy and so, no, I will not do it. There is no need for constructive criticism (unless I write something that triggers or offends anyone because honestly, I don't want anyone to get hurt. If that happens, criticize away, I do want to know if I've done any of that) because I'm not aiming to construct anything, I don't care whether or not my writing improves. I'm writing this for fun. 
> 
> Secondly, trust me, I'm just as upset as you are that Neil and Andrew aren't together at this point in the story, but come on guys. This is a fanfiction in the Andreil tag, you know what's going to happen eventually. The dramatic question is not if they will end up together, but how and when, and I'm sorry if that question isn't being answered fast enough for you but I am not going to change the way I write my story or how fast I update for you. And I know that Seth sucked in the books, but I'm trying to explore my version of his character here in the story, I believe in his redemption and forgiveness, and I am not a homophobe because of that.
> 
> I'm trying to be as respectful as possible here, but I am truly, truly furious right now. If this had happened to me two years ago when I started writing on ao3, this would have broken me, I would have quit writing entirely, or reconfigured my entire plan for this fic to fit your vision for the story. But it's not your story, it's mine, and it will not bend to any will but my own. Trust me there is nothing more I want to do than rant and cuss and seethe, but I've stewed in my anger for long enough, and I'm trying to let some of it go, because I've decided that the best rebellion is just continuing my original plan for this fic, and not letting what you said affect me any more than it already has. Oh, and just a general Fuck You. 
> 
> Okay, pettiness over, like I said, I believe in redemption and forgiveness. So to the few people who commented what they did, you will know who you are if I've deleted your comments, I forgive you. Don't fucking do it again, but I forgive you. I hope that you won't treat other writers, ones who pour their hearts and souls into stories, and who do everything they can to please their readers, writers like the one I was two years ago, the same way that you've treated me. I hope you will keep reading, and that you'll enjoy where it goes from here, but trust me when I say, it will be no great pain to me if you don't. 
> 
> That being said, the only discourse I will accept on my stories from here on out is Team Neil vs. Team Kevin, we're bringin twilight back baybeeee


	12. I played with your heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone for the overwhelming flood of support I received after my last chapter. Thank you for all of your kind words, well wishes, and Team Neil/Team Kevin alignments. I thought it would be a bit more evenly matched but it turns out that I only got one (1) Team Kevin, besides, you know, myself.
> 
> Again, thank you so much, I couldn't ask for better readers/

The foxes were seated by the ravens, because of course they were.

"This is an intimidation tactic." Neil said. "They'll have researched us. The things that make us weak. The things that get under our skins. Get ready to have your scars picked at."

"All right." Dan said. "We're going to get in, eat, and get out. We're going to keep things civil." Even as she said it, she was shuffling her feet, pulling at her dress so it covered her knees. She was trying to cover up. Wordlessly, Matt gave her his jacket. She gave his arm a grateful squeeze where, under his sleeves, Neil knew there were track marks.

Allison and Seth both seemed to recede into themselves. Allison slung an arm around Seth's waist and he looked down at her, surprised at the comfort. He wrapped his own arm around her shoulders. They looked cold and armor-plated. Battle-ready.

Andrew had taken a protective stance in front of his people. Renee, Aaron, Nicky, Kevin. Nicky and Aaron were huddled close behind him, and Andrew made no move to imply that he would be protecting himself. He didn't have to steel himself because he was always ready for conflict. He expected it. His eyes flicked to Neil's for just a moment as if to say  _ not too late to get behind me _ . Neil's returning smile said  _ yes it is _ .

Neil looked around at the team.  _ War preparations _ echoed in his head. He supposed he was the general. Leading his troops into battle and whatnot. He didn't really like the metaphor.

It was easy to forget how many scars the foxes had to pick at.

Wymack met them near the front of the gym.

"You've heard the news?"

The foxes' stony silence was answer enough.

"It's one night. We can handle one night, right? I will get you guys back on the bus and send you home if you can't handle this." It wasn't a threat, but a reassurance.

"We can handle it, coach." Nicky said. Coach nodded.

Neil walked up to Kevin and linked their arms together. Kevin looked down at him, startled, but didn't move.

The banquet hall was expansive and lavishly decorated but the foxes' eyes were on the black hole in the center of the room. The ravens sat perfectly still, in black and red uniform. Posed as if to look as intimidating as possible. 

Neil couldn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped him. "Sorry," he said. "Sorry, it's just-"

"What" Matt said, already smiling.

They looked, Neil thought, ridiculous. They had coordinated their clothes and sitting positions. He said as much.

It was as if a spell broke over the foxes. It was hard to return to their former awe-struck condition once they saw how stupid the ravens looked.

"Babe." Dan said "Take your jacket back, I'm not gonna need it."

* * *

 

Dinner, unfortunately, wouldn't be served for a while, which meant the foxes had to make conversation.

Neil pulled Kevin's seat out for him. Model date behavior. One of the ravens cooed "Aw, how gentlemanly."

Riko grinned. "Yes, quite sweet. What was his name again, Alex? Stefan? Chris?"

"Not for a long time. " Neil responded. Riko frowned. His taunts weren't having their desired effect. Neil looked around the table as he sat down the boxes were all trying very hard not to look like they were listening in. "Oh, sorry, I meant 'ooh, you know all my fake names, that's so spooky'. Better? Is that better?" 

"I'm starting to remember… Nathaniel, wasn't it?" Riko said. Aiming for the jugular but hitting the empty space beside it.

"His name's Neil, idiot." Aaron said, sitting a few seats down.

"No one's talking to you, whelp." A raven backliner hissed.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "I bet it took you all day to come up with that one."

"Hello, Jean." Kevin said cordially. "Riko." An afterthought.

Riko answered for the both of them. "Kevin, Nathaniel. It's nice to see you."

"It's Neil." Matt muttered.

Neil smiled. "I wish I could say the same."

Kevin kicked Neil under the table. Over the table, Riko scowled. 

"Oh, but it is nice to see you, Jean." Neil said. "Save me a dance later?" Neil hoped that Jean got the hint. 

"Oh, er, yes."

Neil smiled. "Good."

Riko was waiting for something. Neil raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Are you going to ask me to dance?" Riko preened.

"No." Neil said. "Why would I want to dance with you?" Kevin kicked his leg again. Riko’s face was red with fury. He looked at Jean expecting backup, but Jean had moved to Neil’s side the moment he had heard Marion Clairemonte’s name.

The girl sitting by Riko picked up his slack. “If you’re as bad on the dancefloor as you are on the court, then you’re not worth the effort of standing up.”

Neil scoffed in mock offense. “Excuse you, I'll have you know that I’m an excellent dancer. I’ve got  _ moves _ .”

Dan snorted further down the table. “Oh, yeah Neil, you keep telling yourself that.”

The raven by Riko frowned, confused at being even slightly agreed with by a fox.

“Whatever.” Neil shook his head. “You think I’m a good dancer, don’t you Torres?” The question was addressed to a tall raven on the other end of the table. The question got the attention of all of the ravens, waiting with bated breath for an answer. The foxes picked up his gambit immediately. Get the ravens on their side. The only real enemy was Riko, no need to get others caught in the crossfire.

Allison placed herself on Torres’s side. “Don’t listen to him Torres, he’s got no sense of rhythm.”

Nicky frowned, “That’s a lie, Torres. Neil’s hips? Do. Not. Lie.”

Torres’s lips quirked upward before he quickly pressed them together to hide it. “I guess I’d have to see him in action. I'm sure he's fine.”

Allison grinned "Care to bet?"

Neil crossed his arms. “I’m not a piece of meat.”

“Could have fooled me.” muttered Angelica Ross, a raven. Matt chuckled at her joke and she laughed with him. Progress.

Riko could do nothing but watch.

That was a lie, Riko did a lot more than watch, but his wave of vitriol was met with the foxes' wall of enduring positivity. Unstoppable force, immovable object. 

By the time dinner was served, Allison had the phone numbers of most of the team, girls and boys. Matt had promised boxing tickets to a few. Even Jean had been talking to Renee for the majority of the night. Dinner was short and sweet and Neil tuned most of it out, content with the buzz of activity around him. He flitted in and out of conversations, but it was easier to spectate than participate.

Then it was time for music and Neil sprung into action. He danced with Kevin for a bit, made a good show of being his date. Kevin, to his credit, was a competent dancer, but wholly uninteresting. He kept rhythm well, but he gave Neil nothing to work with. And they really only talked about exy.

Nicky tapped Neil on the shoulder. "Hey, mind if I cut in?"

Kevin shrugged and unceremoniously pushed Neil into Nicky. Neil held out a hand and Nicky took it with a grin.

Now Nicky, it turned out, was a great dancer. Neil barely had to move and Nicky was there, anticipating his next move, it was like a good game of Exy, without the threat of pain lingering on his mind. And Nicky was at least interesting conversation. Neil knew more about Erik than he had ever thought he would. Neil also knew that Nicky missed Erik much more than he let on.

"You don't have an engagement ring?" Neil said.

"I do, I just don't wear it much." Nicky said, his face went wistful. "The twins don't like it much. They're protective, as much as they try to hide it." 

Neil chose not to mention that neither of the twins looked like they were hiding much of anything. Andrew was too honest and Aaron was so… boring. Still if they were making Nicky feel uncomfortable…

"Fuck that. Does wearing it make you happy?" Neil asked.

Nicky started "Yes, but-"

"Then wear it. The twins are big boys, emotionally speaking. They'll get used to it."

"I- um…" Nicky opened and closed his mouth a few times without breaking step, and Neil charitably chose not to mention it. The song ended. 

"How much did you win?" Neil asked.

"What?"

"Come on you were doing way too much there, it's impossible not to look like a good dancer next to you. How much did you win?"

Nicky basked in the praise. "For me to know and you to find out."

Neil rolled his eyes, Nicky blew him a kiss before walking away.

Neil found Jean sitting at the table, fiddling with the last bit of greens on his plate.

"You shouldn't play with your food." Neil said, sitting next to him. 

Jean looked up at his approach. "And you should begin a conversation with 'hello'. So I suppose we have now both failed at being polite." 

Neil wondered how Jean had managed to keep his accent. He supposed it was all the exercise and lack of sunlight and looming threat of torture. "I seem to remember you owing me a dance." Neil looked up. Riko was talking to a group of coaches and not looking at them.

Jean raised an eyebrow. "I do recall promising you something of the sort. I'm not a good dancer."

"That's fine, plan b then." Neil grinned.

"Plan b?"

Neil nodded. "Yes. In about five minutes, I'm going to go to the restroom. Not the one that everyone can get to, the one on the far side of the hall. Laugh like I've just made a good joke."

Jean laughed on command. He was stiff, but convincing enough.

"You'll wait about five minutes and then join me. There, I'm going to hand you a burner phone. At about nine-thirty, it's going to ring. You'll want to pick it up, trust me."

"And if I don't?"

Neil shrugged. "Then you don't. But Marion will be disappointed, I'm sure."

Jean went still, just for a moment, short enough for Neil to doubt it even happened, before schooling his body back to its neutral self.

"I'll leave you to your spinach." Neil stood.

* * *

 

Neil checked his watch. Two minutes until Jean should arrive. The bathrooms near the banquet hall were ridiculously elegant, they were tiled, top to bottom, with some sort of shiny black stone. The doors were floor-to-ceiling. The lights made everything shine gold. It was not the kind of place that screamed Public Bathroom. Neil had checked the place for people and listening bugs.

The door opened. Neil turned, expecting Jean, and instead, seeing Andrew.

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "You move on quickly."

"What?"

"Moreau. 'Save me a dance?' You're not subtle."

Andrew's line of reasoning was so incongruous with Neil's own that it took him a second to realize that Andrew was implying that he had invited Jean here to hook up.

"Oh. No, that's not- No!" Neil stammered. "I didn't invite Jean here to do fuck, I invited him here to-" Neil's watch started beeping. He silenced it. Jean was here. "He's here. Get in a stall I'll explain later."

Andrew frowned but obeyed.

Jean opened the door. Punctual.

Neil handed him the phone, businesslike. It began to ring immediately.

"You said I had five minutes." Jean hissed accusatorily. 

"Well it seems like your appointment was moved up, answer the phone." Neil matched his tone.

Jean did. In french, he gave a soft " _ Hello?"  _ A moment.  _ "Marion? Do… do you remember me?" _ Marion's response. Jean braced himself against the wall. He was shaking.  _ "Yes, that's right. I'm your brother _ . _ "  _

 Neil tried hard to look away, trying to give Jean as much privacy as possible. The conversation lasted only a few minutes. That's all they had been allowed, but Jean seemed to know that. He spoke softly and quickly, he didn't waste a moment.

Jean said his goodbyes without Neil having to remind him, he seemed hesitant to hang up, but he closed his eyes and did it anyway. He looked at Neil. In a few moments Neil was wrapped in Jean's arms, breathing in his strange cologne. Jean let Neil go only to place his hands on either side of Neil's face and plant a firm, chaste kiss on his mouth. Neil's eyes widened and he made a soft  _ mmmph _ sort of sound.

Jean pulled back and said softly "Thank you."

Neil coughed. "Yeah, anytime, don't mention it."

Jean left without saying anything else.

Neil gave himself a few moments to collect himself before saying "Okay I had no idea he was going to kiss me."

"You owe me an explanation, Josten." Andrew said, opening the door.

"Okay, so you know how Jean and I are practically owned by the Moriyamas?" Andrew said nothing, which was acknowledgement enough. "Well, there's a reason Jean isn't working off his debts like I am. The Moriyamas have something on him. His half-sister. That's who he was speaking to on the phone, they haven't seen each other in years. I don't think he even knew she was alive."

"And so you called him here to reunite him with his long lost sister?'

"Yeah, I guess."

"And you're sure you didn't know he was going to kiss you?" Andrew's face was almost unreadable.

"Pretty sure. Why?" Neil was fairly sure he knew what was coming next.

"Yes or no?"

The  _ yes _ was out of Neil's mouth almost immediately.

And that was how Neil found himself being kissed for the second time in the ridiculously ornate bathroom of the banquet hall.

Andrew's mouth was heated, insistent. Neil's tongue played across Andrew's lips and Neil found himself being pushed against the wall. Andrew slammed a hand on the wall by Neil's head to brace both of them, his other hand was on Neil's tie, pulling him closer.

They were moving again, Neil hoisted Andrew up so that he was sitting on the sink. Neil pulled back to ask "are you-? is that- ? alright?"

Andrew bit Neil's lip. "Shut up."

Neil could do that.

Andrew's legs had found themselves on either side of Neil's waist and Andrew guided Neil's hands to the bottoms of his thighs, holding him up so that he didn't fall back into the sink. Then Andrew's hands reached up, loosening his own tie. His elbows pushed Neil back a bit, but then Andrew guided Neil's head to his now-exposed neck. Neil kissed up the delicate line from Andrew's collarbone to his jaw. When Neil reached the corner of Andrew's jaw, he pulled Andrew closer to him, ground his hips down. Andrew bit his lips but the moan escaped anyway. Neil wanted to live in that sound. Neil wanted to make Andrew moan again and again and again and again and-

"Wait." Neil said, pulling back, breathing hard. Andrew moved as far back as he could without falling into the sink. Neil stepped back and Andrew hopped down. They were still standing far too close. Neil could almost feel Andrew's drumroll-fast heartbeat against his own, feel Andrew's breath on his neck, feel the heat and sweat between them. "Andrew you said we were over."

"I know what I said." Andrew muttered.

"You said-"

Andrew silenced him with a kiss, which turned into two, then three, then ten. Andrew had looped his arms around Neil's neck. He pulled back. "I  _ know  _ what I said." His lips brushed Neil's as he spoke. "We'll go back to normal tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Neil repeated in a daze. "Yeah."

Neil felt a tug on his tie as Andrew pulled Neil back down to kiss him senseless.

They'd deal with the consequences tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neil: live your life! fuck andrew!  
> Nicky: where are you going?  
> Neil: gotta follow my own advice


	13. Got lost in the game

Tomorrow came and went and they were more or less back to normal. Neil would catch Andrew looking at him and Andrew’s gaze would flick away and Neil would have no idea that was going through his mind. He supposed it was for the best though. They both knew what getting together would mean and Andrew wasn’t ready for it, even if Neil was. Neil wasn't surprised, but he couldn't say he wasn't disappointed. 

It soothed him a little that Andrew had to wear turtlenecks and collared shirts for a few days after.

Not everything had remained the same, however. There was a notable shine to Nicky's left hand in the weeks following the banquet. Neil noticed him fiddling with it in the locker room before practice, at dinner, it wouldn't be long before someone noticed.

The observant party, surprisingly, was Kevin.

"And then the defensive dealer would be the one who actually-" Kevin stopped abruptly "for the love of god, Nicky is the ring on or off?" 

Nicky looked up. "What?"

"Your ring. Are you leaving it on or taking it off?"

Nicky gulped. "Oh. Um. On."

"Then leave it there, and stop fidgeting. Its annoying and it's distracting and I'm trying to explain this play to you." Kevin demanded 

Allison had caught scent of blood in the water and she was on the hunt now. "Nice, Hemmick. Where'd you get the rock?"

Nicky's face softened as he looked down at it. "I've had it for a while now, I just haven't been wearing it."

"Right yes, so anyway-" Kevin tried.

"Wait, so Erik actually proposed?" Seth broke in "When you were in Germany?"

Nicky looked back up at him, confused and immediately on edge. "Yeah, he's my fiance? What, did you think I was just kidding about all the future husband stuff?"

Seth frowned "No, it's just wasn't that like, four years ago?" 

Nicky very pointedly avoided looking at the twins. "Yeah, about."

"Aww," Matt gushed. "You're waiting for each other!" Dan slipped his arms around his waist.

"I guess." Nicky shrugged. 

"And _I'm_ waiting for _you_ to _focus_ on this amazing _play_ I've been explaining."

"Yes, Kevin, please get back to your amazing play." Nicky rolled his eyes but he was glad to be rid of the attention.

"Well." Aaron proclaimed loudly to the team. "I think the ring is cool. _Right guys_?"

Various noises of agreement.

"Kevin? Neil?" 

Neil nodded his enthusiasm and gave a thumbs up. Kevin scoffed "yes it's a very nice ring."

"Seth?"

"Fuck you, I already said it was cool."

Allison sniffed "you asked when he got it."

"Oh." Seth said. "Yeah it's cool."

"Thank you."

"Oh and fuck you Aaron." Seth punctuated the statement.

"Andrew?"

Nicky shook his head "Aaron, it's fine, I-"

Andrew raised his head. "It's a nice ring, Nicky."

Nicky beamed.

Aaron nodded decisively. "Kevin?"

"Right, so the defensive dealer would…"

* * *

 

Seth had been catatonic at dinner. He had barely eaten a thing. He was staring at his phone. Neil knew Allison had noticed, but they were on and off, and on an off. 

Neil didn't mention anything at team dinner, but when Seth's silence had continued through the night, Neil had to know. Later, in their dorm, Matt and Dan had gone off somewhere, so Neil and Seth were alone.

"Seth, are you alright?"

Seth looked up and then looked back down at his phone. "I… um… you told me to, to google, uh…" 

Neil sat next to him and looked at the phone screen. The google definition for bisexual stared back up at him. It took him a moment to connect the dots. "Oh." He looked back up at Seth "You?"

Seth shut his eyes and nodded "Me."

Neil floundered awkwardly. This was not part of the job description. He had not signed up for any hard-core bonding. What did other people say when friends came out to them. "Um… Uh, thanks. For, um, trusting me with this moment."

Seth shoved him "Man, fuck off."

"Does Allison know?"

Seth shrugged. "Probably."

"Does Nicky know?"

Seth looked at him "why would I tell Nicky?"

Neil shoved Seth back "Um, I don't know. Maybe because you've been putting him through hell ever since you found out he was gay? You don't have to come out but you at least owe him an apology."

"Oh god. Nicky." Seth buried his face in his hands. "How can I be sure? I've never like, dated a guy before. Maybe I'm confused?"

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that but," Neil shrugged. "I don't know, live your truth man."

Seth fell back on the bed, his head nearly hitting the wall "Oh my god, _fuck off_."

Neil looked down at him "Look, it's not a set thing. Labels change. You can be bi without ever having dated a guy, you can just _know_."

"That's the fucking problem." Seth spat. He vaulted up. "I don't _know_ . How would I _know_ , I've never been sure of a goddamn thing in my life! I've never dated _my girlfriend_ for more than a fucking month at a time! I've never been with a guy, I've never kissed a guy! How the fuck would I _know_?"

Neil waited for Seth to finish. "I mean. We could fix that."

"What?"

"Well you don't think you're sure, right? Because you've never been with a guy?" Neil waited for Seth to nod confirmation. "Well, I'm a guy. Kiss me."

"Oh. _Fuck_ OFF." Seth said plopping on the spot of the bed that was next to Neil.

Neil shrugged "I'm serious. If you're broken up with Allison and you want to try kissing a guy, I'll kiss you. Think of it as an experiment."

Seth looked at Neil but didn't say anything. His gaze was calculating and considering.

"Really?"

"Sure." Neil nodded.

"This doesn't mean anything, right, this is just…"

"Guys being dudes?" Neil suggested.

"Fuck you Neil, I'm being serious."

Neil laughed and shook his head "What, are you scar-"

Seth vaulted forward and caught Neil's lips with his. The kiss was short, firm, and altogether unremarkable.

When Seth pulled back, Neil frowned. "Oh was that it?"

Seth frowned too. "Was _what_ it?"

"Come on, babe," Neil tilted his head invitingly. "Kiss me like you mean it."

Seth did.

"After the initial fire of tongue and teeth, Seth's hands finding their way to Neil's waist, Neil scrambling to lightly straddle Seth's legs and thread his hands through Seth's hair, and Seth pulling him closer still, after all the biting and bruising, Seth was a cautious kisser. Like he was walking down a hallway looking for bear traps and was grateful for his undamaged feet. Like he kept being surprised by meadows where he had been expecting brick walls, but he was happy to stretch out in the sunshine. 

Neil pulled back. They were both panting. There was no sound in the room except for their drawn breaths. He cleared his throat. "So?"

Seth nodded. "Definitely uh… definitely into guys." He made no move to get Neil away from him. They were so close that Neil could feel the rise and fall of Seth's chest against his own.

"Do you," Neil's eyes flicked down to Seth's lips "want to stop?"

Seth grinned (not his usual grin, but something softer, someone had sanded the edges off), and placed a soft peck on Neil's lips. He reached out and grabbed his phone from where it had been discarded on his bed and opened spotify.

"Seth please tell me you're not putting on a sex playlist."

Seth didn't say anything, but the opening strings to _Jolene_ were drifting  from the shitty phone speaker.

"Seth please tell me the first song on your sex playlist isn't a Dolly Parton song."

Seth leaned back and brushed Neil's hair out of his eyes. "Neil, does anyone ever tell you to shut up before kissing you?"

Neil tried not to make his smile too pained looking but Andrew's face was already flashing in his mind and he didn't know if he succeeded. "You'd be surprised."

Seth kissed him again, rougher this time. The bed was small enough that moving around was a little awkward, but Neil thought that they made do. He wasn't quite sure when his shirt had come off or where it had gone, but that was a matter for another time. Neil bit at Seth's neck but it didn't seem to do anything for him so he turned his attention lower.

He ran a thumb over Seth's nipple and Seth shivered and braced himself against the wall. Neil grinned like the devil. "Wow, I guess Dolly really does it for you, huh?"

Seth gave Neil a shove. "Man, mention Dolly Parton again and I'm leaving." But he was laughing and Neil was laughing and it was alright. He pulled Neil back to him and kissed him, different from the other times, slow and sweet. Seth kissed him like he was in love.

Seth bucked upwards and then rolled his hips in a way that had Neil seeing stars.

Neil remembered asking Allison. _He's good in bed?_

Allison's enthusiastic response. _He's very good in bed._

It would be so easy to ruin it all. Neil knew exactly what he had to do to keep Seth.

Neil pulled away. "We can't do this."

Seth frowned, confused. "Do you not… want to?"

Neil laughed a little, surprised. "I didn't say that."

"Then why-"

"Because you don't want to. You're not kissing me." Neil tapped Seth's head "in there."

Seth pulled away from Neil. "Fuck, man."

Neil shrugged and got off of Seth. "I get it. You love her." 

"What if she doesn't-"

"She will." Neil said. Allison loved him too, even if they were too stubborn to realize it. "And if she doesn't? I'll be here."

Seth shook his head and retrieved his shirt. "What should I do?"

"Go to her, or whatever, it's your relationship man." Neil rolled his eyes.

Seth got his phone and left.

Neil shook his head as the door closed and picked up his own phone to call Allison.

"Hey Neil." She said from the other line.

"Okay, um. Seth's on his way to you and, um, I, uh..." Neil scrambled for a way to tell Allison what happened without outing Seth.

"You had sex with him?

Neil's eyes widened "what? No!... Well, almost, I- you knew?"

"Yeah Neil, I've known for like, ever. I've been waiting for _him_ to get it the whole time we've been dating."

"Wait, so… you're not… mad?"

Allison made a noise of ambivalence. "We aren't together right now, what he does is his own business. You said he's on his way here now?"

"I, uh… I think so."

"Thanks for the heads up." There was a crackling noise from the other end. "Oh and Neil?"

"Yeah?"

"I told you he was great in bed."

"Yeah but I didn't sleep with-" Allison hung up. Neil finished "him." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm never going to understand those two."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Okay I had three end jokes but I couldn't pick one, so enjoy)
> 
> That's right, Seth is a yee-haw country boy cowboy I'm sorry you guys had to find out this way
> 
> Allison: Country boyyy I love youuu
> 
> Allison, texting her 25th betting group chat: He kissed Neil, pay up motherfuckers  
> Matt: How did you know???  
> Allison: I see All


	14. Oh baby, baby, oops!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, this chapter, and the chapter after this were meant to be combined, but I decided to just split my Britney Spears lyrics and just update really quickly.

Neil had done two hours worth of translation work before turning to Riko Moriyama's financial transcripts. The usual. A metric ton of hair product, a book or two for classes. But this time, a name stuck out to him. He frowned. Luther Hemmick and someone named Drake Spear. Relatives of Nicky most likely, but this could have nothing to do with Nicky, and it was too risky to check the hard drive now. Neil decided to go deeper.

After some cursory research, Neil knew a lot about Luther Hemmick. Not from the information ( a priest, a moderately popular church, a wife “plucked from the squalor” of a foreign country) but from the information not shared (heavily featured donation box, but no mention of where the money went, no mention of any charity projects, no mention of a son). Drake spear was a mystery. He was an officer in the military, his parents fostered a lot of children, nothing more, it was almost like he had something to hide.

Neil looked up at the crowded dorm room. Kevin was reading some book about pirates. Renee and Andrew were there, icing wounds. Neil paid them no mind. Aaron, Matt, and Nicky were playing Mario Kart. Allison and Dan were doing homework and Seth was there pretending to do homework.

Last week, Seth had come out to the team. And so had Allison. And Renee. And Dan. And Matt. And Kevin. Nicky had clapped them all on the shoulder and said "I think we've got more gays than the Trojans now."

Allison had rolled her eyes. "Please, Nicky, no team will ever have more gays than the Trojans."

Now, though, things had calmed down.

"Hey, Nicky, do you know a Luther Hemmick?"

Nicky dropped his controller and the room went silent. Aaron turned the TV off.

"That's my dad." Nicky said. "Why?"

Neil nodded. "The Moriyamas just gave him a small fortune, along with someone named Drake Spear."

In the corner of his eye, Andrew stilled, then the sound of his laughter rose. 

Neil thought out loud. "They probably need him to do something and the only thing I can think of is get in contact with you. Maybe they need to send a message? But something that only Nicky’s parents can do. Maybe they want you to go home for something, be unable to play the next game?”

"We can't." Andrew.

Neil nodded. "Obviously, that would be playing right into their hands. The question is, who is Drake Spear?'

"My foster brother." Andrew said simply. He could barely get the words out, he was laughing so hard. He sounded choked. This caught the attention of the rest of the team. "We  _ can't _ ."

"Well, we do need to figure out what Nicky's parents want with the Moriyamas"

Nicky looked up at him “Both of my parents? It might just be my dad, my mom probably doesn’t have anything to do with-”

_ Help! I need somebody  _

_ Help! Not just anybody _

_ Help! I said I need someone  _

_ Help! _

Nicky's phone had begun to ring, his face fell as the song continued to play. He didn't even look at the caller ID.

Nicky picked it up and put it to his ear. "Hi, mom. We were just talking about you."

A pause "Thanksgiving? I see." Nicky looked at Aaron and Andrew. "You know, mom? I don't think they'll be able to make it," A tone of hope infiltrated his voice. "maybe I could just come and-" his eyes narrowed. "Right. That's too bad." Neil caught something like  _ maybe next year _ from the other line. "Sure mom.  _ Besitos, adios _ ." Nicky hung up. The silence was crushing. Nicky's voice, sharp and dark. "Aaron take this phone away from me before I break it, I can't afford a new one." Aaron obeyed, what choice did he have? Nicky stood and suddenly looked very tired. "I'm going to my room, and I'm going to stay there for a while, so, um… I can't make dinner. Just… order pizza or something. I'm sorry."

"Pizza? Nicky-" Kevin piped up. 

"Kevin?" Nicky's voice faltered. "Do you think that you can just not lecture me on my diet choices right now?" 

Kevin fell silent. 

Nicky slunk to his room. 

Andrew stood and grabbed Nicky's phone from Aaron.

“Hey-!”

“Shut up.” Andrew said, dialing a number. It rang, rang, and then stopped. “Erik? It’s Andrew.” he said in German “Nicky needs you.” He grabbed Aaron by the arm, walked out behind Nicky, and slammed the door behind them.

“Neil.” Renee looked up. "What just happened?"

Neil floundered for a moment "Walker, I-"

"Shut up." Renee's voice could cut steel. The upperclassmen were looking at her like she was someone completely different.  "Ten words or less, Josten" 

It was a tool of convenience that Neil, Ichirou, and Suki had disguised as a game. A way to say as much as possible in as little time as they could in dire situations. Neil had forgotten that Renee knew it.

"We got hurt, bad. We avoided worse. I'll fix it."

An arched brow. "You really believe that?"

Neil shrugged "I have to. What else is there to do?" 

Renee nodded and grew back into herself and some charged thing in the air calmed down. Renee looked Neil in the eye and Neil knew it meant  _ If you hurt them, I will kill you _ . He had worn the look often enough. Then she stood. "Seth, order the pizza, Matt, Dan, we're having movie night early, pick something out. Allison-"

"Snacks, already on it babe,"

Renee smiled softly and looked back to Neil "Neil, you said you'd fix this?"

Neil nodded. 

"Do it then."

* * *

 

Andrew was on the roof. Neil knew better than to look for him anywhere else. He was sitting on the edge, his legs dangling off. A push away from falling. He was lighting up a cigarette, the glow of the lighter between his hand and face illuminated the dry, empty expression on his face. No drugs.

The sun was half set. Neil watched Andrew for a moment. His movements were weak. He had probably just thrown up. He took a puff of his cigarette and Neil could see his hands shaking.

"Is it a good idea to be smoking on an empty stomach?" Neil said. Andrew turned, pasting on a sickly smile. Neil scoffed "Save it, I know you're off."

"Yeah you know just about everything don't you, Josten." Andrew's voice was cutting, but Neil knew knives well enough to avoid being cut. Neil kept his distance. He fingered the envelope in his hands nervously.

"Drake-"

" _ Don't _ ." Andrew's voice shook as he said it, then once more. "Don't."

"Okay." Neil looked out at the sky. "Do you want him dead?"

Andrew's head shifted toward him the smallest bit. 

"Andrew." Neil said, "Do you-"

Andrew closed his eyes in the corner of Neil's sight. "Yes."

Neil nodded. "Alright then. Consider it done." 

Andrew moved closer to him. Neither of them looked at each other. Acknowledging this fragile peace would shatter it. Andrew took a pull of his cigarette. Then he handed it to Neil. Neil placed his lips where Andrew's had been only moments before and took a pull himself.

"I haven't smoked in years." Neil murmured, finally looking at Andrew.

Andrew looked back at Neil and they both realized they were a kiss-length away from each other. Andrew's eyes flicked down to Neil's lips. "It doesn't suit you."

Neil's heart was thundering in his chest.

"If things were different," Andrew began. "I would kiss you now."

"If things were different." Neil smiled and shifted closer. "I'd kiss you back."

"I'd put my arms around your waist."

"I'd put mine around your neck"

"We might get off the edge of the roof." Andrew pointed out.

"We might." Neil grinned. "I'd run my fingers through your hair."

"I'd hoist you up by your thighs." Andrew's voice was soft and rasping.

"Hmm, you do like my thighs," Neil mused. "My hands would probably find their way under your shirt. I'd kiss your neck."

"You do like my neck." Andrew's lips were a hair's length from Neil's. "You'd find a way to convince me to fuck you on the roof instead of going in to the dorms."

Heat pooled in Neil's stomach. Neil countered. "You'd let yourself be convinced."

"I would." Andrew said, his eyes dark and lidded, lips already brushing Andrew's 

When they finally kissed, it tasted like smoke. Neil felt something inside himself that had been tense since this morning release.

They pulled back.

"It would have been nice." Neil sighed "It's a shame things are the way they are."

"A shame." Andrew agreed. "I kissed someone else."

Neil shrugged "So did I."

"Mine was a bartender." Andrew said 

"Mine was Seth."

They shared a sharp, mirthful exhale at his expense.

Neil put the envelope in Andrew's lap. "That's your Christmas present."

"It's the beginning of November."

Neil looked away, suddenly more embarrassed than he had been before. "Just read it, would you?"

There was a moment of silence while Andrew scanned the paper.

"You… reduced my sentence."

Neil nodded. "Yeah. I mean, you still have a few weeks, but you should be off to rehab in time to spend your Christmas sober." His voice was fast and rambling. "Merry Christmas."

Andrew looked at Neil like he was a puzzle that he couldn't figure out.

"I'm still not a math problem." Neil knew Andrew remembered what he meant.

"I'll still solve you."

Neil laughed bitterly. "And somehow, that's still hot." Neil said honestly.  "I'm not going to ask you to break your promise."

Andrew finished the cigarette and tossed it to the ground below. "I'm not going to ask you to wait for me."

Neil nodded. He couldn't promise that he would.

The sun had almost set now. The sky was all-night and Andrew's lighter was lighting him up again. He looked stronger in the dark. The fire light illuminated him like an old statue, weathered but perfect.

"Don't look at me like that, Josten." Andrew's voice was soft and twisted with something like guilt.

"How else could I look at you?" Neil asked impossibly. "You're beautiful."

* * *

 

Neil left the roof only to be intercepted by Aaron.

"We're getting ready to start now, is Andrew-?"

Neil nodded "he'll be down in a minute."

Aaron looked Neil up and down. Neil waited for Aaron to head up to the roof but he only stared at Neil. "I know you like him."

Neil laughed. So that was what it was about. It was either sincere or a test. "Everyone knows I like him." He hadn't exactly been subtle.

"He likes you." And oh, was that what this was about?

Neil nodded again. "Yeah. He does." Neil shrugged. "It's not going to happen."

"Why not?" Aaron's face was genuinely confused. "You like each other, right? You make him happy, he only threatened to kill Nicky twice last week."

"You know why." Neil shook his head. "I'm not going to make him choose."

"Oh, like I chose?" Aaron's voice was familiar. It sounded like Neil's mother when she was itching for a fight and for a second, Neil was five years old, clutching at a slapped cheek. Neil blinked through the shock and reminded himself that the two most important people in Aaron's life were dealing with some dredged-up trauma.

Neil just gave Aaron a sad smile. "I'm not judging you Aaron." 

Aaron scoffed "Trying to be Renee doesn't suit you."

"What do you want me to say Aaron?" Neil was tired of today.

"Say that you care about him more than the stupid deal." 

"I do." Neil said truthfully. "But I know that he'd choose you, if it came down to it. It would kill him, because he's got the most convoluted moral code I've seen in my life, but he'd choose you. Because yeah, Andrew likes me, but you? He  _ loves  _ you. So nothing's happening with him and me."

Aaron frowned. It had been a test then. Neil had passed, but Aaron apparently hadn't wanted him to.

"See you at the movie night Aaron." 

* * *

 

Nicky emerged from his room to find the foxes waiting for him.

Dan used her captain voice. "Okay, Nicky, we've got Ratatouille, Treasure Planet, the last two Harry Potter movies, and Brokeback. Which one are we watching first?"

"Oh, um, we got you a pineapple and ham pizza." Seth said "don't get me wrong, its nasty, but we got it."

Allison gestured at the array of snacks she'd bought. "I also stocked the fridge with ice cream, try not to finish it all in one sitting." The last statement had been aimed at Andrew.

"Nicky? Are you all right?" Matt said.

Nicky was tearing up. "I love you guys."

There was a chorus of "Awws" and "we love you too"s

"But we do need to decide which movie to watch first."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was meant to be sad, then horny, then sad, then happy, but like, the tenderness really popped off this chapter??? it's like tender sad, tender horny, tender sad, tender happy and I'm not mad at it but still??? Damn these college kids really love each other THAT much.
> 
> How to get over your ex step 1: Dirty talk on a roof


	15. You think I'm in love?

Neil was in the middle of a scrimmage when he got the call. It was loud, but he had trained his ears to pick up the ringtone. Kevin had thrown the ball to him, but as soon as Neil heard his phone, he dropped his racquet and ran to the duffel bag on the bleachers.

The team was understandably angry, but Neil couldn't bring himself to care in the scramble to reach his phone before it stopped ringing.

"Josten, what the-" Wymack stopped when he saw the look on Neil's face. 

He opened the court door.

Neil dove for his bag and wrestled with it for a moment as he got his phone. He answered just before the last ring ended.

"Wesninski." Rasped the cold voice of Kengo Moriyama.

Neil had legally changed his name years ago and Kengo usually respected that, but his voice was weaker than Neil had heard it last. His mind must have been worse than Neil thought.

"Neil, get back on the court!" Kevin yelled.

"Yes, my lord." Neil said in Japanese. His voice carried and heads snapped towards him. Everyone knew what the language meant.

"Am I interrupting something?" Kengo's voice was mild, weak. Neil knew that something was wrong. Kengo would never have asked a question like that when in good health. Neil was chilled to the bone.

“No, my lord.”

“Good. I have an assignment for you. My youngest son has been... indiscreet with his spending, as you know. Hemmick and Spear. Our people will take care of Hemmick, but Spear requires a more… deft hand. Eliminate him. You’ll have your travel details soon.”

“Yes, my lord.” Neil said. 

And that was it. It was the way most conversations went with Kengo. 

He tapped around to find the email with his travel details on it.

Neil looked up to see all eyes on him, awaiting his next move. Neil felt tired. His head was a hundred pounds as he lifted it up to say “Coach. I’m going to need to take a few days off.”

* * *

Soon he was on the plane. As soon as he got to the airport in California, he took a cab to the nearest gas station. 

The gas station was near a beauty store, just Neil's luck, so Neil decided to buy a bottle of hair dye for after the job was done. He looked over the shelves. He was tired of dark hair. For a moment his eyes flickered to the bright colors, blues and pinks. He could afford to be eye catching, he was in the public eye now after all. Still, it wasn't him. Not right now anyway. The blondes were next. No, next. Then the browns. Neil considered a few shades lighter than the almost-black hair he was sporting now. Too much of the same. The reds were next and… Neil paused. He picked up a box of red. His natural red.

Perfect.

The next was tracking down the target. Not hard. He hitchhiked his way to the city he knew the target was in and skulked around the city for a bit. He shook off the dust and slipped into being invisible like it was an old coat he hadn't worn in a while.

The target was exactly where Neil thought he would be at midnight. Leaving his shitty dead-end job. Neil had bought a shitty knife set with cash at a 24-hour Walmart. The cashier hadn't even batted an eye.

Neil trailed the target for a block, maybe two. Far enough that he could be seen, but that the Target wasn't exactly sure he was being followed. Neil rounded three corners until he knew he had the target's attention. Three more corners and the target knew Neil was following. Then Neil stopped abruptly and turned back the way he came.

 The target followed. 

Stupid mistake. 

Neil ran his gloved finger across the dull edge of the knife hidden in his hoodie. It wasn't a high quality knife but it would do. Throwing it wasn't an option so he would have to get within stabbing distance. Easy enough with how angrily the target seemed to be approaching him. Neil readied himself for a scuffle.

He led the target into an alley.

"Are you Drake Spear." Neil wasn't asking, he knew who the target was.

"Yeah, who's asking?"

Neil drew his knife. “The Moriyamas send their regards.”

* * *

 

As the bleach burned his scalp in the hotel bathroom, Neil called Kengo Moriyama.

"It’s done, my lord.” Neil said. He let his hand trail absently along the warm brown shower curtain.

“Good.” was Kengo’s reply. Neil waited for the tell-tale click that meant he could let ut the breath he was holding, but instead what he heard was “Josten.”

Kengo had remembered his name this time, but his voice was weaker. Neil could barely make out what he was saying. “Yes, my lord?”

“What is your opinion of my youngest son?”

Neil had no idea how to go about answering the question in a way that would satisfy Kengo. What did  _ Neil  _ think of Riko? What did  _ Kengo _ think of Riko? 

They had never met, to Neil’s knowledge. Neil realized with a start that he was more of a son to Kengo than Riko was. Neil shivered at the thought. Neil played his answer safe. “I think he could have been more careful. If we could detect the paper trail, it’s entirely possible that someone else might have.”

From Kengo’s replying “Hm.” Neil could guess that his answer was satisfactory, but not what Kengo wanted to hear. “You’ve done good work for us in the past.”

“Thank you, my lord.”

“I believe your mother’s debt is almost paid.”

“Yes, my lord.”

Kengo coughed. “Have you given any thought to what you will do once it is?”

Neil’s heart caught in his chest. “I’d like to finish this year at Palmetto.”

“And after that?”

Neil stayed silent.

“I see.” Kengo rasped. “How would you like a job?”

“What?” Neil was so shocked he’d forgotten to say ‘my lord’

“Your father left quite the hole in this organization when he rebelled, not the murder, anyone could do that, but the organization, the advice. His meticulousness was unparalleled, though I remember he hated paperwork,”

Neil thumbed at a scar on his stomach. “So do I.”

“In the short time you've been translating for us, we can see that you've inherited it. And he was my best advisor… right up until he wasn't. His loss left a hole in the group and even now, we’ve never managed to fill it. Would you like his job?”

Neil opened and closed his mouth a few times. “Work… for you?”

Kengo laughed then and Neil had a hard time remembering if he had ever heard the sound before. "No. Even I'm not foolish enough to think that I will live forever. Even now, my death is nearing. I'm asking you to stand by Ichirou."

"But… my mother… my father, how can you trust me?"

"I don't trust anyone. I didn't trust your mother, and I certainly didn't trust your father and yet he worked his way to my right hand." Kengo said. "You've proven yourself smart enough to keep around. You’ve been working for us long enough to know the kind of money you’d be making." Neil did. It was small in comparison  to his debt but god, it would be a lot to have in his pocket. All of that, just to do what he had already been doing alone, with an excuse to see Ichirou more often.

"I'll do it."

"Excellent." A click. It was over.

And just like that, Neil had a future.

* * *

 

Neil walked back into Palmetto a redhead and the team lost their goddamn minds for a full 3 and a half minutes. 

Kevin was visibly shaken. He looked like he was trying to ignore it but his eyes kept flicking up to Neil's head.

The rest of the team was not as shy about their interest as Kevin. Allison had fingers in his hair immediately. “Not a bad dye job.” 

Renee was there in a second, assessing his work, she gave a friendly tug to a curl. “But not a great one.” she ruffled his hair, just because she could, and Neil lightly shouldered her away. What ensued was Renee aggressively noogieing Neil until he finally fended her off.

Nicky, Matt, and Dan were kind and affectionate, and Aaron didn’t care at all.

And Andrew was packing.

The weeks had gone by without Neil registering them and now Andrew was packing and leaving in the morning and Neil didn’t know if things would be the same when he got back.

Neil knocked on the open door frame and Andrew looked up from folding his last pair of pants. His suitcase was an open void, not in emptiness, but in color.

“Oh wow, dark grey.” Neil observed. “Someone’s feeling festive.”

Andrew was still taking in the new hair. “You’re… a ginger.”

Neil, suddenly self-conscious, pulled a curl down in front of his forehead “It’s my natural color. I wanted a change.”

“I knew you dyed your hair but I didn’t think…” Andrew looked back at his bag “It’s nice.”

“You think so?”

Andrew stubbornly didn’t look up, but his face was a shade too red to be natural. “I just said I did.”

“I know,” Neil shrugged. “I just like knowing that you think I look nice.”

Andrew looked at the hallway behind Neil and suddenly they were both hyper-aware of Nicky and Kevin and Aaron just outside, probably listening in. Neil looked at Andrew’s suitcase as Andrew zipped it closed. “Spit it out Josten.”

“I’m just going to miss you, is all.” Neil tried to infuse his voice with as much no-I’m-totally-not-head-over-heels-for-Andrew-why-would-you-think-that? as he could for the benefit of any eavesdroppers. It had the opposite effect. 

“I hate you.” Andrew murmured. He walked silently to stand in front of Neil. He pulled out a curl and the motion turned into a hand threaded through Neil’s hair, then resting on Neil’s cheek. Andrew ran his thumb over Neil’s lip “You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.”

“Oh, I’m a hallucination?” Neil tried. “Lucky you.” the words were barely louder than a breath. They couldn’t kiss now, not with Aaron in the next room and Andrew leaving in the morning and Neil’s heart jumping out of his chest, but Neil couldn’t help but feel like this was enough, somehow. 

Andrew pressed on. “You ruined my life.”

Neil grinned through a wince. “Sorry about that.”

Andrew closed his eyes and let out a slow breath.“I wish I had never met you.”

Neil exhaled a laugh. “Ditto.”

“I  _ really _ like your hair.”Andrew said through gritted teeth.

“Lucky me.”

Andrew stepped closer still and wrapped Neil in his arms, held him close, buried his face in Neil’s shirt. Neil tentatively placed his own arms around Andrew, giving him plenty of time to pull away or tell him to stop. Andrew didn’t. Anyone could walk in at any moment. Neil buried his face in Andrew’s hair and he could smell cigarette smoke and shampoo and just for the fifteen and a half seconds that they stayed that way. Neil let himself think the thoughts he had been trying to keep at bay for the past few weeks.

_ Andrew is leaving tomorrow. _

_ Andrew is leaving tomorrow and I love him. _

_ I love him. _

_ I love him. _

_ I love him. _

The next morning, Andrew left without saying goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicky, sitting outside and listening in with Kevin and Aaron: So are they making out or quietly murdering each other?


	16. That I'm sent from above

Neil pulled into the driveway, it was chilly, but fall was in full swing, and everything was orange. A piece of Palmetto in Virginia. Suki was waiting for him by the door. Neil was out of the car in a second, breaking into a run, and Suki was doing the same. They met in the middle in a bone-crushing hug.

Nicky got out of the car behind them, followed by Kevin and Aaron. Suki and Ichirou had told Neil to invite all of the foxes, but they'd all had their own plans, except Andrew's crew. Neil supposed he was filling in

"Wow." Nicky deadpanned. "Dramatic hugs, we love that."

They pulled apart. "Neil, your hair!"

"It was time."

Suki snorted. "I've been trying to tell you that forever." She tugged at Neil's short ponytail. "This is new."

"Knock it off." Neil muttered.

Suki lowered her voice. "Is that Kevin? Damn, he grew up  _ nice _ ."

Neil looked back at him and rolled his eyes. "It wears off after he opens his mouth."

Suki considered Kevin again "Good to know. God, the last time I saw him he was like, 8."

"The last time you saw him,  _ you _ were like, 8."

"Coming from the baby of the group." Suki frowned. "Hey why is he looking at me like that?"

Kevin was wearing his trademarked  _ trouble alert  _ facial expression. He was muttering something to Aaron.

Neil pinched the bridge of his nose. "He's spooked."

Suki was unfazed. "Aww, like a puppy."

Neil wrinkled his nose. "You could say that."

"Hi!" Suki called. "it's so nice to finally meet you!"

Nicky grinned, oblivious to Kevin's apprehension. "Same to you! Especially since Neil has told us practically nothing about you."

Suki gave him a smile that said  _ and if I get my way, you won't learn anything over the course of your visit _ . "Please, come in."

* * *

 

Something that wasn't in Neil's skill set: holding babies. His non-parental interactions with Alex were mostly limited to quick babbling sessions between Alex eating, Alex getting changed, and Alex sleeping. Neil was lucky if he got to interact with the kid for more than half an hour a day without having to take care of him in some way.

Still, Ichirou and Suki seemed happy for the break. They both seemed older and more tired than Neil had left them. If they wanted to nap, then by god, they deserved it.

Nicky cooed and cuddled Alex, and Kevin wanted nothing to do with him, but the real surprise was Aaron, who always seemed to wake up right before Alex began to cry.

Thanksgiving wasn't a large affair in the Moriyama household. Ichirou and Suki cooked, Neil lazed around, they gathered for dinner. They hadn’t tried to be apathetic towards the holiday, it was just that they were rarely in America to celebrate it. 

Still, Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron brought some novelty to the routine. Kevin had seemingly grown used to not thinking about Exy for at least two hours a day, but the holidays brought out a newfound laziness in him. Which was to say, history took Exy’s place. Neil had watched 3 documentaries instead of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and he was grumpy about it. 

Nicky and Aaron more than made up for it. 

Nicky was cooking up a storm, neil had no clue what he was making, but he was manning three pots at once. Chopping garlic and herbs and what looked like rice pudding, but Neil wasn’t quite sure. Aaron also made some food, a meager offering of mashed potatoes. Ichirou tried some.

“This is really nice.” He noted. Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin hadn’t quite gotten used to living with a mob boss for a few days, and Ichirou, like the little shit he was, enjoyed making them uncomfortable.

Aaron looked around like he was searching for an exit. “Thanks. It’s one of the two foods I know how to make.”

Ichirou grinned and Aaron turned back to his potatoes. Ichirou turned his eye onto Neil. “So, apparently, my brother has had a hold placed on his finances. Any explanations, Neil?”

“I may have implied he was a bit of a reckless spender.” Neil shrugged.

Ichirou grinned. “Smart. Preventative measures.”

Suki’s work phone pinged and she checked it with a groan, but her face then lit up. “Guys you’re not gonna believe what’s happening. Code gamma.”

Ichirou groaned and pulled a tie and suit jacket out of a drawer “Again? On Thanksgiving?”

Nicky looked at Aaron and whispered “Why does he have a suit and tie in his kitchen?”

“When else would they do it, babe?” Suki grinned and started to tie up her hair

“Wow I haven’t had to deal with one of those forever.” Neil said. He ran a hand through his hair, adjusted his clothes so he looked presentable.

“What’s a code gamma?” Nicky asked, wanting to be in on the joke.

“Oh, someone’s going to try to extort us.” Suki said, bobby pin  caught between her lips.

Nicky’s face fell. ‘Oh.”

“Yeah, you three had better go to Alex’s room. Lock the door.” Ichirou commanded simply. 

“Unless you guys want to keep cooking.” Neil said charitably “The chance that one of you gets threatened at gunpoint is like, two percent.”

“I don’t like those odds.” Kevin snarked from the couch, already turning off his third documentary.

“Suit yourself.” Neil called after him. “Make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.” he asked Nicky.

“We’re on it.” Nicky said, pulling Aaron along with him.

Ichirou and Suki made quick work of the two masked men that knocked on the door. Not with violence of course, but by doing the most surprising thing of all and listening carefully to their employee’s complaints and promising them a higher salary and fairer working conditions.

Alexei and Ivan left warm, well fed, and each 200 dollars richer. Ichirou waved them off as they drove away.

“It’s so nice when they’re willing to bargain.” Ichirou observed.

“Saves us the cleanup.” Suki noted less optimistically.

“I missed you guys.” Neil said, surprised at how true it was. “I’m so happy I’m gonna be working with you when I get back.”

“Awww, Neil.” Ichirou said, pulling Neil into a hug. Suki jumped in, and in the arms of the people he loved most, Neil felt warm..

They found Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin all in various degrees of panic.

“It’s all right, the sons of bitches are gone.”

“Suki.” Ichirou admonished, gesturing to Alex’s crib. 

“Ichirou, he’s two, and also asleep.”

Alex, as if just to be contrary, started to cry.

Suki shot a look at Neil “He gets this from your side of the family.”

* * *

 

Neil woke up three days after Thanksgiving in the middle of the night and checked the date. His heart seized in his throat. 

He walked out to the balcony, shaking, needing fresh air, needing any air at all.

The bite of the cold snapped him out of it, but the nerves were replaced by a hollow feeling in his chest. It was familiar. It always showed up around this time of year. Neil had just been so happy, that he'd forgotten…

How could he have forgotten?

Neil's fingers twitched. He kept sniffing, smelling for smoke. It seemed impossible that there was none. 

He needed a cigarette.

"Neil?"

For a split second, Neil thought that Andrew had somehow, miraculously appeared when Neil needed him, but it was just Aaron, bleary-eyed and confused. 

Neil spoke, grey and lifeless "Hi, Aaron."

"What's up?" Aaron said it like  _ Something's wrong _ .

"I'm fine." Neil said.

"Bullshit, you look like hell. What's wrong?"

Neil looked down at his hands to find they were still shaking. Traitors.

"My mom died." Neil said. "Not that recently, a few years ago, but… today. And I didn't remember."

"Oh." Aaron said. "All right."

Aaron moved to stand next to Neil. He spoke firmly. "The first time I forgot, I went the whole day wondering why Nicky was being so nice to me, and then when I remembered, I threw up in fifth period, so you're doing better than I did."

Neil said nothing.

"It does get better. Not immediately, but one day you'll like, laugh at a joke and not feel guilty about it. You'll feel like you can breathe easy."

"Can't wait." Neil said, voice dull. Aaron didn't seem to mind.

The silence sat between them, not as empty as it had been before.

"I don't think…" Neil said, needing someone to hear the words. "I don't think my mother loved me very much. I know she kept me but if she could have possibly left without me and lived with herself for it, she would have. And I thought she did. I really thought she loved me, but Ichirou and Suki, they love me more than my mom ever did. But I still  _ feel _ like this because-" Neil swallowed the lump in his throat. "Because-"

"Because you wanted her to." Aaron said. "You wanted her to love you. You thought you could make her love you, if you could just be good enough."

Neil closed his eyes tight. He nodded.

Aaron sighed and he sounded much more tired . "Yeah." 

Neil opened his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Andrew won’t get it.” Aaron said. “If you try to tell him.”

“I don’t need him to.” Neil said. Too quickly to be believable.

Aaron looked at Neil with eyes that said  _ Yes you do _ and  _ I do too _ .

“I think he wants me to thank him.” Aaron said. “For killing her. Part of me thinks I should, I mean,  my mother wasn’t winning any parenting awards, but I can’t. Despite everything, I..” Aaron trailed off.

“You loved her.” Neil murmured, feeling it in his soul.

“I loved her.” Aaron said. The night around them swallowed the confession. “Go to sleep Neil, You’ll feel better in the morning. I promise.”

Neil looked at Aaron and believed him, because he couldn’t do anything else.

* * *

 

Driving away from Ichirou and Suki was the hardest thing that he could do, but Neil saw them waving in the rear-view mirror and knew that he would see them again soon. Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron in his back seat made leaving easier.

Now Neil was headed back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm attempting Hamlet-level flippancy where the main character of the fic being threatened with death isn't even a major plot point.
> 
> It's about *chef hands* the EMOTIONS


	17. I'm

Neil ran seven paces. Eight. Nine. In a split second he had to decide whether or not to take the next pace. He tossed the ball to Allison before getting clobbered by the backliner who was marking him.

Neil watched the ball arc gracefully in the air before landing in Allison's outstretched racquet. In some smooth move, she harpooned it to where Neil knew Kevin would be before he hit the ground.

Neil heard the buzz of a goal before the referees whistled to check on Neil. The backliner got a yellow card.

Neil coughed and grinned at the backliner who got carded, she scowled back, but there was a begrudging respect in her eyes. 

And with that, the game was won.

On the bus, Neil checked his bank account. It had been a while since he had, but it used to be a comfort on long nights, to check the numbers on his debt and find them lower than they had been before. 

Today though, they were gone. He had 0 dollars of debt. It took a moment for the numbers to catch up with him, but when they did, Neil's eyes were tearing up before he knew it. 

It was like he had been under a weight all this time without knowing, and now that it was gone, every step felt like flying.

"Neil, are you okay?" Matt asked.

Neil whispered the words, for fear they would become untrue once he said them. "I'm out of debt."

"What?" Dan asked behind them.

Neil turned around, emboldened "I'm out of debt. Oh my god. I'm out of fucking debt."

Dan's face broke into an excited smile. "Big news, everybody!"

* * *

 

Neil found Kevin lying on the sofa nursing a bottle of vodka. Not Neil’s liquor of choice, but Kevin seemed to be enjoying it.

“What’s the problem, Kevin?”

Kevin looked up at Neil with puppy dog eyes. “You’re leaving.”

Neil plopped down next to Kevin on the sofa. “What gave you that idea?”

“You did. You said you were leaving once your debst were paid. And they’re paid now, so your goging.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not?” Kevin’s voice was so hopeful it almost hurt. He stood abruptly. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

Kevin looked down at him, suddenly sober (in emotion not state of drunkenness) “We’re going to a tattoo parlor. Don’t let me change my mind.

Neil grinned. Okay.

* * *

 

Neil was supposed to have Andrew home by the next morning, meaning that they’d have to find someplace to stay the night. 

The logistics of the situation served to distract Neil from the fact that maybe he was making the wrong call, maybe he should have sent Aaron and nicky to pick Andrew up after all, maybe Andrew didn’t want anything to do with him.

Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin had stayed behind at Palmetto to plan a Welcome Back!/Christmas party for Andrew/Christmas, and Neil had guessed that Andrew would be excited to see  him his car again.

This strange new lack of confidence was strange and uncomfortable. Was this what love felt like?

Neil pulled into the parking lot of the rehab center and walked in. The lobby was decorated with tinsel and flimsy plastic reindeer. Lovely.

He filled out the paperwork, mind blank and robotic, and waited.

“Neil?”

Andrew.

Neil looked up and smiled. “Hey there stud.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, and even then, even at that, Neil’s heart thumped out:  _ ImissedyouImissedyouImissedyouImissedyou _ . “Hi Neil.”

“Come on,” Neil said. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so short, it could be a Minyard!
> 
> But seriously though, this chapter was just to tie up loose ends. This is it, folks, we're in the final stretch of this fic, there are 3 chapters left.  
> 1\. A smutty, smutty sexcapade chapter where Neil and Andrew have there first time and I finally deliver on that explicit rating I've given this fic  
> 2\. The ending!  
> 3\. A cute, fluffy epilogue
> 
> I hope you'll stick around till then, and as always, thanks for reading!


	18. Not

Neil drove along the empty road at a good pace, in silence.

The car was crackling with electricity, Neil could barely move without fear of being shocked. He kept his eyes on the road and his hands tight around the steering wheel.

Andrew was languidly stretched out over the passenger seat. His eyes were lacking their characteristic dark circles, his skin was no longer sallow. The streetlights cast his features in stark relief. And he was checking Neil out. "You drive slower than I thought you would."

Neil raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

Andrew looked at Neil and subtly bit his lip. Neil felt a rush of heat. "That's what I said."

Neil was only a few miles below the speed limit, but the road was empty. He rolled down the windows and hit the gas pedal, the car shot forward, slamming Andrew back into the seat.

Neil was going much faster than he needed to be, his heartbeat was quick in his ribs and the world outside the window was blurring by until it was just him, Andrew, and the wind rushing into their ears.

The speedometer climbed higher and higher until Neil had to slam the brakes when they got to their exit. Both he and Andrew jolted forward, panting. 

Neil looked over at Andrew "fast enough for you?"

Andrew barked out a laugh, lough and raspy and sudden. A single  _ Ha! _ that made Neil breathe out a laugh of his own. 

* * *

 

They stopped by a drugstore, for snacks and drinks and a break from the road. Neil spent entirely too much time trying to decide which candy to get himself.

"Could you get me some-" Andrew started, Neil showed Andrew the basket to show that he had already put the chocolate covered cookie dough bits in. "Oh. Thanks." Andrew looked over at Neil's dilemma. "Hmm. You'd like ..." He stepped closer to Neil so that his chest was touching Neil's back. He reached forward and Neil tried to avoid any sharp intakes of breath. Andrew leaned back and put a colorful bag in the basket. "...those."

Neil turned his head to look back at him.

"Right. Thanks." Neil murmured. 

Andrew didn't stay anything. He just walked away. Neil moved to check out and went out to the car to wait for Andrew. Andrew walked out of the store with his own bag. Neil didn't want to ask what he had gotten. 

He pulled out of the parking lot and started driving.

* * *

 

When they got to the hotel, Neil retrieved the keys and joined Andrew in the elevator with his bags. They were the only people in it.

"We're leaving in the morning?" Andrew asked.

"Yes." Neil answered.

He couldn't turn his head, for fear of the words spilling out of his mouth.

He did not say  _ my debt is paid _ .

He did not say  _ I'm glad you're back _ .

He did not say  _ I love you. _

 Andrew looked up at the dial that said what floor they were at. They were at a high floor. Andrew's hands clenched.

"Should I change the room?" Neil asked.

"No." Andrew answered.

Neil looked at him. Andrew looked back. There were millions of questions on his tongue, but he didn't know if he could ask them. Andrew's head tilted ever so slightly to the right, he looked Neil up and down and stepped forward. 

Neil, almost reflexively, stepped forward too, as if it were his natural state, to be held by Andrew. Andrew's hand moved up to grab Neil's neck. Neil let his face be moved while Andrew examined him, as if checking for damage. In return, Neil studied the details of Andrew's face as if they would give Neil any clue about the way things were now. His eyes, instead, found Andrew's lips. Neil could feel Andrew's breath on his own lips, feel himself moving slowly closer.

The elevator dinged and they parted like shrapnel. Neil cleared his throat and took the bags.

The suite was large, and the bed was huge and comfortable. The only problem was, there was only one.

"I'll take the floor." They said in unison.

Neil shook his head "You take the bed." Neil knew he should probably have some remark about them sharing the bed at the ready, but it seemed strange to do so, somehow.

Andrew looked at him. "Are you sure?"

Neil shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Andrew walked right up to Neil, closer than they had been in the elevator. And said, up against Neil's mouth. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"Yes." Neil said, almost as soon as Andrew had finished talking.

Andrew's hands balled up Neil's shirt in his fists as he pulled them even closer together. "Fucking do it then."

Neil captured Andrew's lips, deft and bruising, like he had been waiting to do it his whole life. He had. Neil kissed Andrew like the world started and ended at their lips and in the space between them. He pulled back.

"I-" Andrew said. Neil was glad to hear that he was breathless too. "-am going to take a shower." He let Neil's shirt go and smoothed it across his chest. "Check what I got from the drugstore. You know where to find me."

It wasn't until the bathroom door had closed and he heard the sound of running water that Neil murmured, under his breath, "What the hell?" He picked up the drugstore bag and upended it. A bottle of lube and a pack of condoms fell onto the floor. Neil stared at them for a moment. Then he snorted. "'You know where to find me.' Fucking nerd." He pulled off his shirt and walked to the bathroom. The door was unlocked. Neil knocked to announce his presence.

Andrew stood in the shower, his form obscured my the steam and the cloudy glass of the shower door. Neil closed the door behind him. "Yes or no?"

"Yes." Andrew said. Neil stripped off his pants and boxers and walked into the shower.

The water was hot, but not uncomfortably so, not that Neil could focus on it with a very naked Andrew standing right in front of him. He almost just stayed there, convinced that if enough time passed, and if Andrew kept looking at him like that, he could come just from seeing him like this. 

Almost was the operative word. Love might have been new to Neil, but sex? Sex was not.

Andrew's hands found their way to Neil's neck and pulled Neil in to kiss him. Neil's hands held Andrew by the back and then moved his hands lower to grab Andrew's ass. He stepped forward and ground their hips together. Andrew's hands fisted in Neil's hair. Neil moved to kiss along Andrew's neck and ground their hips together again. This time, Andrew moaned. "Your neck fetish is not attractive."

"You like it." Neil grinned from the underside of Andrew's jaw. "I like that you like it." he bit down softly against the spot that he knew drove Andrew crazy. Andrew let out a soft whimper and Neil felt him growing hard. He pulled back to kiss Andrew again "And I thought I was the fast one. I want to blow you. Yes or no?"

Andrew was trying to play it cool, Neil could tell, but he was bright red. "Yes."

Neil sank to his knees slowly, making sure to give due attention to every part of Andrew that he came across.

Finally Neil came to Andrew's cock. He looked up at Andrew's face, his pupils were blown wide, he was a panting mess. Neil had done that. Neil teasingly ran his tongue along the tip of it and Andrew fucking  _ shivered _ . Neil furrowed a brow, but smiled. "Brace yourself."

Andrew snorted. "I don't need to-" 

Neil squeezed his thumb into his fist and took the entirety of Andrew's dick into his mouth. He heard Andrew's hands slap up against the polished white tiles of the shower.

Neil ran the underside of his tongue up against Andrew's cock as he pulled away and then took him again, humming with pleasure. His left hand came up to fondle Andrew's balls. 

Andrew wasn't saying anything per se, but the  _ noises _ he was making, oh god. Neil hadn't thought Andrew would be this loud during sex, but it was a nice surprise. He liked that he could make Andrew lose control.

Andrew came with a strangled moan and Neil swallowed quickly and stood. Andrew was a blushing wreck on the shower wall.

Neil gave him a moment and then cleared his throat. "We'd better actually get clean now, huh?"

* * *

 

Neil had explained, through rushed and hurried kisses, that they had better make use of the condoms, as it would have been a shame to have to return them.

“It would be a  _ shame  _ to have to shower again.” Andrew muttered from his place at Neil’s collarbone. 

Neil shrugged, careful not to disturb Andrew. “Not our water bill.”

Andrew only kissed him and ran a thumb over his nipple. Neil hissed and instinctively leaned into the touch. Which… was new. Andrew moved forward so that Neil was sitting on his lap, already half hard underneath him.

Neil grinned. "Strange. I thought I was supposed to be the fast one."

"I want to fuck you. Yes or no?”

“Yes please,” Neil said. He reached over and pulled condom from the box. In a smooth, slow motion, he rolled the condom down Andrew’s cock. Andrew huffed. Neil squeezed some lube onto his fingers and stroked Andrew slowly until he was hard. “Can I ride you?”

“Yes.” 

Neil straddled Andrew and pushed him down softly onto the bed and held his cock in place to slowly sink down onto it and… fuck.

Neil had had sex before. A lot of it. It was a chore at worst, some fun at best. Neil thought he knew what sex was supposed to feel like. He didn’t know it was supposed to feel so  _ good _ .

Neil rocked his hips, slowly at first, then gaining speed, Andrew bucked up to meet him until they had found a comfortable rhythm.

“ _ Harder. _ ” Neil moaned. Andrew took to the challenge masterfully, bending his knees to better thrust up into Neil. The change in angle almost sent Neil over the edge, adding his own shout of pleasure to the sound of slapping flesh and Andrew’s moans and heavy breathing.

“Neil, fuck” Andrew said “Shit Neil I’m going to-”

Neil didn’t let up “Go ahead.”

The sound that Andrew made when he came was Neil’s new favorite sound.

Neil fell back onto the plush sheets of the bed. 

“Shit, Andrew.” Neil turned to look at Andrew. “How are you so good at that?”

“The fuck are you talking about,” Andrew said. “I lasted like, two minutes and you didn’t even come, I was going to apologize.”

“That’s the best sex has ever felt.” Neil said truthfully. “I’ve always been focused on making my partner feel good. I’d pretty much accepted that I was never going to like sex as much as everyone else did. I mean, I knew I was demisexal, but  _ shit _ , is that what its supposed to feel like?”

Andrew furrowed his brow in something that looked like frustration, something that looked like understanding, “shit, Neil.” he shook his head softly. “Fucking idiot.”

Neil shrugged.

“Come here,” Andrew said, pulling Neil into a kiss. He pulled back slowly. “I want to show you what sex is supposed to feel like. Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Neil said, “yeah, absolutely.”

Andrew kissed and licked and sucked his way down Neil’s chest. Neil could feel his erection throbbing, and once Andrew put his lips around it, Neil knew he was a goner.

 Andrew fucked Neil with his mouth, until Neil couldn’t remember his own name. Any of his own names.

* * *

 

The drive to fox tower was long, but Andrew’s company made it shorter. Neil had forgotten how much he loved talking to Andrew, listening to Andrew, being with Andrew.

Finally, they came to the mile marker that showed that Palmetto was half an hour away.

“Are you ready to be back?” Neil asked.

Andrew shrugged. “Yeah.” 

Neil turned to look at him and his heart caught in his throat when their eyes met. He had to tell him. He had to say it. He had to say- “Well…  that’s good.” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t. Neil turned back to the road.

“Neil.” Andrew said.

Neil didn’t turn his eyes away from the road. “Yes?”

“What happened last night, as much fun as it was, can’t happen again. Unless you feel like waiting until I graduate.” Andrew said it sarcastically, but Neil would have no trouble waiting that long. Honestly, with their track record, they’d last a month.

“Understood.”

“Neil.” Andrew said.

Neil didn’t turn his eyes away from the road. “Yes?”

“I love you.”

“Oh.” Neil grinned as the light turned green in front of him. He turned to Andrew and smiled softly. “I love you too.”

Andrew sighed. “We’re fucked.”

Neil shrugged. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drive Flirting 2: 2 Drive 2 Flirting
> 
> This chapter was hard as fuck for me to write (pun not intended but also not revoked) so I expect some good comments for this one


	19. That

Andrew huffed out a laugh when he saw Kevin's new tattoo. "You're a queen, Day?"

"Oh is that what it is? I thought he just wanted a chess piece. I told him he should get the horse one, I didn't realize it was a coming out thing." 

"It's not a coming out thing." Kevin said.

Ignoring him, Andrew walked into the dorm.  "Oh, congrats Kevin, live your truth."

"It's not-!" Kevin stopped and sighed. "I didn't miss you. At. All."

Neil shrugged as he walked in. Something in the kitchen smelled amazing. "Oh!" Said Neil upon seeing who was in the kitchen. "You must be Erik."

The man in question smiled and nodded. In slightly accented english, he said "And you are Neil, yes?"

"I am Neil, yes."

"Nicky said you were prettier."

"Okay! That's enough talking to Neil." Nicky laughed nervously into Erik's shoulder. "Please just keep stirring the cheesy noodles."

Erik kept stirring the cheesy noodles.

Aaron was standing by the window, looking down into the parking lot. "Neil?"

"Yeah?"

"Riko Moriyama is standing in the parking lot."

Neil walked over and looked down into the parking lot. "So he is. Andrew?"

"What."

"Riko Moriyama is standing in the parking lot."

Andrew raised his eyebrows, surprised, then furrowed them in an obvious question.  _ Do you need my help on this one? _ Neil shook his head. Andrew nodded. "So I've heard." Andrew rolled his eyes and plopped down onto the sofa. "I'm napping now. Don't bother me."

Kevin was having a conniption. 

Nicky sat on the counter. "Is he doing anything?"

Neil shrugged. "Just standing. I think he's waiting for someone to go down. Oh shit he's looking up."

Aaron ducked. Neil stood, alone, looking down. Neil opened the window.

"Hey, asshole!"

"Come down and face me!" Riko yelled

"What?" Neil called, despite having heard Riko very clearly.

“I said, come down and face me!”

“What? I can’t hear you!” Neil called down. Nicky was snickering into Erik’s shoulder.

“Neil, what the hell are you doing?” Kevin hissed

“I’m having some fun, Kevin, it’s Christmas, maybe you should try it.”

Riko was yelling in the parking lot now “Come down and-”

“You know what? I still can’t hear you, I’m coming down!” Neil interrupted.

Neil closed the window. Aaron wasn’t in hysterics like Nicky, but he was smiling, amused. Kevin was trying not to find humor in the situation, but Neil saw him hide a smile.

Neil was down the stairs and in the parking lot in a minute. "All right. Okay. What were you saying?" 

"You're going to lose the finals. You might as well give up now." Riko said, cold as ice.

"Oh, that's it? You could have tweeted me that."

Riko raised an eyebrow. "You have a twitter?"

Neil smiled guilelessly. "No, why?"

Riko scoffed. "You're an idiot."

Neil smiled. "You know what else, I am?" Riko frowned, confused. Neil gestured for him to come closer. Neil moved to speak directly into his ear. "Holding a knife to your stomach. Think you can play around a stab wound?"

"I'm not an idiot Josten. You touch a hair on my head, you get a bullet in yours."

Neil huffed out a laugh. "You think so?"

"You're dumber than I thought." Riko drawled. "I'm a Moriyama, moron. I know how to hire a good sniper."

"Oh I don't doubt that. Who did you hire? Minkowski? Arnold?" Neil leaned back and twirled the knifepoint. "Doesn't matter. I know everybody, even when your funds are frozen, you could probably get someone off of name recognition alone. No, the part I doubt is that they'd shoot me."

"You're a runner. An errand boy? Are you really so arrogant as to think you're irreplaceable?" Riko teased. His eyes darted around nervously at the mention of his money.

Neil sucked in a breath through his teeth."I really should be saying the same to you. I mean, I serve a purpose. And you’ve yet to prove that you’re less trouble than you’re worth. And I recently got a promotion. So I’m going to ask again. You really think they’ll shoot if you give the order?”

Neil doubted it, and it looked like Riko was starting to.

“I’m sorry your little intimidation plot didn't work." Neil said. "I still don't have time for it. So, now I'm going up to enjoy a nice dinner with my family, and you're going back to Evermore, clear?"

Riko glowered. "Crystal."

"If you ever pull something like this again, know that I will not rest until you see the last shreds of your misplaced arrogance go up in smoke." Neil promised. "Merry Christmas."

Riko got in his car and drove off.

* * *

 

Neil climbed up the stairs to find the rest of the foxes crowded along the Nicky screeching, Kevin holding his head in his hands, Aaron unable to speak, Andrew beet red, and Erik frowning, confused at the rapid-fire English.

Neil pretended to walk up at that moment. Maybe changing the subject would help. "I chased Riko off. What's happening."

"You and Andrew apparently." Seth said.

“Oh.” Neil said, feeling his cheeks warm. Aaron was emitting a low hum of embarrassment.

Nicky was holding a now-empty drugstore bag. The contents were dumped onto Andrew's open luggage.

"You!" Nicky yelled at Andrew, not accusatory, rather disbelieving. "You and NEIL?"

Andrew covered his face with his hands and mumbled something that sounded like a denial. 

"Don't lie." Aaron sighed.

"I always though Neil pining after you was one sided!" Matt said. Seth nodded grimly.

"Guess not." Dan wondered aloud

"I called it." Allison said. "Y'all aren't going to have pocket money until you graduate."

Andrew looked up at Neil for help. Neil shrugged and looked at Aaron, who was already looking in his direction.

"The deal's off." Aaron said.

"No!" Neil said "I-"

"Neil." Andrew said. Neil fell silent and bit his lip, surveying the tension between Andrew and Aaron. Andrew cracked his neck and sighed. "You've been seeing the cheerleader. Am I wrong." Andrew said.

Aaron immediately lost his superior expression. "That's not-"

"Yes. It is. Am I wrong?" Andrew's face could no longer mask desperation. The foxes rumbled. They didn't want to side with Andrew, but they couldn't deny that Katelyn had been around a lot more in recent weeks.

Aaron looked down. "No."

"Okay." Andrew said. "Deal's off."

Aaron looked surprised. "Just like that?"

Andrew shrugged "Just like that."

Neil looked around. "Okay. Um. Show's over everyone, we can leave now."

Most of the foxes disbanded, but Nicky caught Neil's wrist. "Where do you think you're going?"

Neil frowned, confused.

* * *

 

Neil wasn't quite sure what he was doing in Nicky's room, nor what Kevin was doing standing menacingly against the wall.

The lights were all off and the windows were shuttered closed so that the only light in the room were the thin, parallel lines that shone on the wall behind Neil.

"Kevin, tell me what's happening."

"Shut up." Kevin said it quickly and authoritatively. 

Neil shut up.

Nicky opened the door slowly. Silhouetted in the light from the outside, he looked taller than usual.

He walked in and shut the door behind him. "Kevin watch the door."

Kevin immediately deflated and lost his menacing air. "You can't keep holding the Eden's thing against me now. We're even"

Nicky waved a hand "yeah yeah whatever."

"I'm serious." 

" _ Okay _ Kevin."

Kevin left and Neil sat, stock still on the bed.

"So, Neil. I bet you're wondering what you're doing here. Sorry about the mess, I didn't have much notice."

"Uh… its fine?" Neil said, unsure.

Nicky's face hardened. "Yeah it had better be."

Neil's mouth snapped shut and Nicky smiled coldly.

"Now, Neil I bet you're wondering why I shoved you in here."

Neil nodded.

Nicky plopped himself down on his rolling chair. "What exactly are your intentions towards my cousin?"

Neil frowned, confused, until he realized what was going on. "Is this a shovel talk? Am I being shovel talked?"

"I'll ask the questions. Now your answer."

Neil shrugged. "I love him." He said simply.

Nicky was taken aback by the easy admission. "That's… pretty quick."

"We've been together since August." Neil said.

"WHAT?" Kevin said from outside the door.

Nicky facepalmed. "Jesus christ."

* * *

 

_ 4 months later. _

//////

They'd won the game. Of course they had. Neil would have been surprised if they hadn't won the game after all of Kevin's whining. 

Neil collapsed at his end of the court. He took his helmet off and sighed.

The cool ground sapped the heat from his body. If he looked close enough, he could see steam rising off his skin. And then he could see Riko Moriyama standing over him.

"Hey asshole." Neil grinned. "We won."

Riko looked down at him with barely contained anger. 

Neil shrugged. "Sorry about your dad. But hey, you and I are going to be seeing a lot of each other next year." Riko's hand tightened on his racquet and Neil frowned. "Sure you wanna do that, number two? If I don't survive, neither do you."

Riko let the racquet fall next to Neil.

"Good boy." Neil spat. "There's always next year, but then again, if this is how you play without Kevin, I'd hate to see how you fare without Jean."

Riko's voice shook with barely suppressed rage. "Without. Jean." 

"Oh you haven't heard? He's been transferred." Neil shrugged "the Trojans are going to give you a lot of trouble next year. And I hear he's spending the summer in France, lucky bastard. He'll be seeing sights, and family."

"Not if I have anything to say-"

"It's a good thing you don't." Neil said.

Riko's face filled with rage, and he lifted his racquet, almost as if to bring it down, Neil, for a brief moment, wondered if he had finally talked his way into being killed. But then Riko was turning the other way and storming off. His racquet clattering on the ground a few feet away.

Neil sat up and saw Allison picking Kevin up and spinning him around before dropping him, ripping Seth's helmet off and kissing him like she was trying to suck his soul out.

Aaron ran to the cheerleaders and Katelyn ran up to him and hugged him

Andrew was by Neil only a few moments later, standing over Neil and shaking his head.

Neil grinned up at him "Help me up, I can't move my legs."

"Jesus, Neil, again?" Andrew said, hauling Neil up with no problem.

"Well it was the last game, I couldn't very well  _ not _ try my hardest."

"You both could, and should have." Andrew said, unamused, but supporting Neil's weight all the same. "What did you say to the rat?"

Neil watched Riko, sulking on the other side of the court. "Nothing he won't make me regret later." Neil grumbled.

"Your fault for opening your stupid mouth."

"You love my stupid mouth." Neil grinned.

"It's an acquired taste." Andrew deadpanned.

"Hey, lovebirds, get over here!" Nicky called from the benches. 

Neil rolled his eyes. "Is he ever going to let that go?"

"Never." Andrew sighed. 

“Serves me right for opening my stupid mouth.” Neil sighed.

“Hey, watch it,” Andrew joked. “I love your stupid mouth.”

Neil grinned and let Andrew carry him to the celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allison could bench the whole team and still have the strength to give herself a perfect manicure


	20. innocent

Many Years Later

////////

Neil was surprised at how much he liked filing. He shouldn’t have been, that’s practically what got him the job, but he was. There was something about the monotony of the job that made him feel at peace.

What he didn’t like, however, was budget meetings. Having Ichirou there helped, of course, and the actual math of everything was interesting enough, no it was dealing with the noxious personalities of everyone involved that Neil hated. 

Everyone, in this case, meant Riko Moriyama. 

Ichirou and Riko Moriyama had officially met on a rainy July afternoon at their first official sponsorship meeting. Neil had revelled in how awkward it was, at first, but it had quickly gotten old, and Riko Moriyama was never fun to deal with when he was saying anything.

Riko had opinions about brand deals, and lots of them. Neil was convinced that Riko didn’t really care, and just talked and talked and talked in that annoying, stupid voice of his to irritate Neil, but it would have been in bad faith to criticize Riko in mixed company (the many lawyers and accountants who gathered for these meetings).

Still, the upside of all of this was, these budget meetings were the only times that Neil ever had to deal with Riko Moriyama. And according to gossip, the league would be forcing him out soon. In athlete years, Riko was ancient, and Neil couldn't wait to see how Riko spent his time once Exy was gone.

Kevin was still going strong. He'd probably stay in the game two seasons after Riko retired, just to be contrary.

Matt had retired a few years prior, and settled down with his Dan, who was currently coaching the Foxes to their third championship in a row. 

Suki was around a lot, but she did more field work than either Neil or Ichirou, she was all around the world. Neil often found his desk covered in all kinds of goodies every time Suki went somewhere new. Somewhere in his apartment, there was a Chocolates Of The World box that he was saving for Andrew’s birthday. (A similar Coffees Of The World was being saved up for Aaron, who currently drank at least 3 cups a day in med school).

Along with Allison, who never settled in one country for too long, Renee who had found a home in the peace corps, and Nicky, who would be celebrating his four-year anniversary soon, Neil had his fair share of international mail.

Neil’s drive home was the second best part of his day, because he got to check out whatever songs the foxes had sent him that day (last Thanksgiving when Matt had found out that Neil hadn’t heard half the songs he made reference to, he had started sending Neil a song a day. The rest of the foxes had followed suit.)

Neil headed up four flights of stairs to get to his apartment. There was an elevator, but Neil preferred the walk up. He walked into his apartment to find Andrew, reading on the sofa.

“Honey, I’m home.” Neil teased.

"And what sort of a time do you call this?" Was Andrew's reply, but his eyes were shining in a way that meant he was smiling.

Neil left his suit jacket on the coat rack and collapsed on the sofa. "How was today?"

"Boring. I made brownies."

Neil snorted. "You could always get a job that makes you leave the house more often."

"I probably will, eventually." Andrew acquiesced. "But I like being your trophy boy, I think I'm gonna do it for a few more years."

Neil rolled his eyes and smiled.

Andrew had retired from Exy at the earliest opportunity, much to Kevin's chagrin. He'd learned to bake, much to Neil's delight. He'd written a book, which he had still not allowed Neil to read, but Neil had been told that it was very good. Now he taught classes at the local community college on weekends, and did whatever he pleased at every other time of day.

Neil loved him very much.

Neil scrolled down the playlist of music that the foxes thought he hadn't heard, when a familiar song jumped out to him. "Hey!" He pressed play and turned up the volume. 

Andrew looked up, briefly confused.

_ Don't go breaking my heart _ Elton John sang, tinny from the phone speakers.

Andrew's face softened.

Neil grinned. "It's our song."

Andrew snorted and looked back down at his book, his legs crept forward to tangle with Neil's. Neil closed his eyes and let him do so, humming along to the song on his phone all the while, calm and in love and undeniably happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, trying to do the math as to how much time would have passed since last chapter:... Many.
> 
> So, that's it folks!
> 
> I'd like to say a huge thank you to all of you for reading and all of your kudos and comments and support along the way. I can definitely say I wouldn't have gotten this far without you.

**Author's Note:**

> Please please please leave kudos or comments if you liked it! Comments are how I know what you guys would like to see more of in the fic.
> 
> If you feel so inclined, consider donating to my ko-fi
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and enjoying!


End file.
